Today's blog is inspired by my friend Gemini (I have elected to change the names of my friends until I get their permission to use their names in the blog - I will start out using American Gladiator names until I run out, who knows where we might go from there), and has everything to do with the idea of the Thank You Card. Allow me to begin by restating the hatred that I have for them, but before we get further into that, let me give a little history of the Thank You Card:
It seems that the first culture to actually send cards to each other to express greetings and thanks were the Chinese, and that started all the way back in...well I don't have an actual date (which may end up being a theme to the blog), but it was, like, a long freaking time ago. This was followed by the Egyptians and their crazy Thank You Papyrus Scrolls. Eventually, by the 1400s, everyone in Europe was sending some type of card, wood carving, or hoops & yoyo e-Card. Fortunately, it was quite expensive to send these cards back then, postage being what it was, so if you were getting married or having a bar-mitzvah, you probably couldn't afford to send cards to everyone that sent you a gift. Then some jackasses named Marcus Ward & Co. (I don't know how arrogant that this Marcus Ward guy was, but imagine only letting your friends be referred to as "& Co." I can assure you that I would never refer to my friends as something as demeaning and degrading as "& Co." Isn't that right "& Associates?") came along and started mass producing the damn things. Shortly thereafter, there came about an 18 year old with a dream: Joyce C. Hall. Interestingly enough, Joyce is not a woman, but is still a little bitch, for reasons with which I shall now regale you. Joyce C. Hall is the visionary who started Hallmark and ended any hope any of us have to spend the first 6 weeks of marriage having sex. Instead, we now have to spend every waking minute speeding up our carpal-tunnel onset while we write meaningless drivel to the people who came to our wedding.
So there you have a brief history of the Thank You Card. But why should we hate such a little piece of paper you ask? Well I will tell you...simply put, when someone gives a gift to someone else, it takes away from the idea of a "gift" if you expect them to give you something back in return. Tell me, if I came to your party and I brought with me a brand new George Foreman Grill for a house warming gift, would it be fair of me to only give it to you with a catch; and that caveat would of course be that you would then have to take time out of your day to write a hand-written note of thanks to me (forget the fact that you have already shown me hospitality by inviting me to your house, feeding me delicious food, drinking me thirst-quenching drinks, and, depending on the situation, maybe given me a little touch), then you would have to affix an ever-increasing in cost stamp, then you would have to mail it to me (which will no doubt cause mail prices to increase further down the road). And why? Because this Ancient Chinese guy said so?! No, I don't think so.
But alas, society wills it so. I will no doubt have to endure the continuing terror that is the Thank You Note. But that is ok, because I have come up with the perfect solution. When the time comes for me to get married (and I am always looking, just drop me a line...wink, wink), I will include in my invitations the following:
It truly is the perfect solution. I figure, if it is good enough for my dentist, it is good enough for me.
Here Endeth the Lesson.
6 comments:
Timmy -- I actually believe in the lost art of Thank you notes. Thankfully (pun intended) I will not be marrying you and therefore, will not have to endure the embarassment of sending out your pathetic pre-printed thank-you's. I love you despite this eggregious fault.
Mwah,
Kimber
I never finished the thank you notes from my wedding - made me feel like such a cad. I also had an english class at KSU where we had to get in circles and share our work, and each time we did these "feather-circles" we had to write a thiank you note to at least 2 people for sharing their work - oh, how I hated it! I, therefore, agree with you regarding the thank you notes.
If you ever get bored enough I keep a relatively regular blog here: http://www.xanga.com/Soraya
TTYL. Mary.
Thank you notes are "generosity's kryptonite", as you call it, only if the said gift being given is given not wholeheartedly with the intention of it being an unconditional gift, with no expectations of receiving anything in return. However, thank you notes, in a world these days where more and more we're offered opportunities not to have personal, human, one-on-one interatction with one another, are a nod to the days when graciousness was something of value and human interaction was not optional.
I believe that I am said "Gemini", and as such, I wholeheartedly wish that I could adopt Tim's format. I understand the theory behind thank you notes, but to me they are very disingenuous. Everyone who receives the note understands that there is an obligation to write the note. Secondly, even if the gift recipient hates the gift and thinks it needs to be thrown into Gehenna, they are still forced out of social obligation to write an insincere note expressing how much they liked it, where/how they will use it, or some other type of nonsense. The purpose of the thank you note is to make the gift giver feel good about themselves, even if the entire content of the note is a lie. AND, if that were not bad enough, there is an arbitrary deadline associated with these notes; so that when one month and 29 days has passed since your wedding your grandfather can call and tell you that you are an embarassment to the family becuase you have not gotten your notes out within 2 months of the wedding. Because Lord knows a note that is recieved after nine weeks would not be nearly as meaningful as one received after eight weeks. So the hundred dollars per person we spent just on dinner and drinks is not enough, we now have to jump through social hoops to keep the family happy. So yes, this is a topic that is close to my heart, Timmy!
Kisses,
Jenny
Just for the record, I think the time limit(deadline?) for new brides may be a whole year according to Miss Manners.
Mimo
I must disagree with you on the Thank You card thing. I agree that it is a pain and that people shouldn't give gifts with the expectation of receiving something in return (trust me, I'm in a big fight about gifts right now with my wifish). But, the TY card is necessary if for no reason than to acknowledge that the gift was received. For example.....My wifish and I recently (3 months ago) went to a wedding. Now, it was a ton of fun (cash bar, I knew nobody, 45 minute drive, etc) but, for this particular wedding, we went to their registry (I really think that registries should be required by everyone in every store. This would make X-mas, birthdays, Hannukah, Chahannukah, Annukah, X-Hannukah, and Rosh Hosh Hannah much easier as far as gift buying goes) online and just ordered a gift to be sent to them. Now, we have not received a TY card so there is no way to know whether or not they actually got our gift. Yes, we could ask, but boy is that a tricky question to ask without offending the bride (it would seem like we were saying 'Why haven't you sent out your TY cards yet?'). Anyway, that's why TY cards are necessary in some instances. As for people that give gifts just to get a card with two sentences on it back, those people need to be eliminated from society but its best not to get me started on survival of the fittest and Darwinism and our society not following this fine system and, instead, catering to the bottom of the barrel people. Also, since I realize that you rarely go the weddings that you are supposed to, why is this a problem for you. But, to be proactive, thanks Timmy so much for the gift that you're going to give me for my wedding (We're registered at Phillies.com and SportsMemorabilia.com). Don't be expecting a TY card because you will definitely not be getting one.
Thank you,
Cully (the very unknown Gladiator)
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