This morning started off with a bagel from an Astoria bagel shop that serves one of the best bagels I have ever eaten in my entire life (and that is a ton of bagels). I don't know if it has something to do with the water that they use to make the dough or what, but all bagels in NY are better than anything you can get in the ATL.
The day was relatively calm during the morning after bagels, up through the afternoon. Turbo and I decided to go to a place called Magnolia to get cupcakes. My sister built these cupcakes up pretty high, so I will say that I was leery of the ability of the cupcake to live up to the hype. When we got to the shop (which had to be one of the smallest shops I have ever seen), there was a line out the door with a door woman letting people in and out. When we finally got inside, we had a choice between 4 flavors of cupcakes: vanilla/vanilla, vanilla/choclate, chocolate/vanilla, chocolate/chocolate. I elected to go for the vanilla with vanilla frosting. I will be the first to say that the hype of the cupcake did not do justice to what this cupcake tasted like. It was, hands down, the greatest pastry that I have ever put into my mouth. As this blog gets updated, there will be certain things that I write about as having been worth the entire trip; this cupcake is the first on the list. Holy crap, it was amazing!!
From there we went to a real Johnnie's Pizza (not like the franchise place throughout the country), and got ourselves some pie. It was also quite good (not close to the cupcake), though the company was better (Turbo and Lace).
We decided now to surprise my high school friend Beaner and show up to the open-mic gig that she hosts at the New World Stage theater. We got there a little early and asked if she was in. Who walked out the door at that EXACT moment but my wonderful friend Beaner!! She looked up, saw us, had it register who we were, smiled, and then tackled me. It was such a wonderful moment to see her and for her to be so excited by us being there. We went downstairs to the bar and hung out for a little while, waiting for the singing to commence. As we got closer to the time for the singing, a group of three people showed up (2 women - one was probably 40 years old and the other was in her 50s, and 1 man - 50s). Beaner sang first and most often, Turbo and Lace sang a lovely duet from Jesus Christ Superstar, Turbo sang Crazy by Patsy Cline. Lace did a fantastic rendition of All Good Gifts from Godspell. And even I went up there and sang with some other people a little bit from RENT. All in all, it was a phenominal evening, and I was ecstatic to be able to be there with Beaner.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday in the Park with Turbo and Lace
So today was kind of a calm day. We slept late on Sunday morning and spent a large part of the morning playing Mario Kart on the Gamecube. This was of course dominated by me, but props to Turbo and Lace for really sticking to it and giving me a run for my banana peels (this would actually continue throughout the vacation).
The relaxing morning was in preparation for a trip out to Montauk for my sister's company picnic. The ride out was nice, and we got to see a little of the sound, and the park was tucked into a nice little area on Long Island. I got to meet the people that my sister works with, and we had a tasty lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers and more hot dogs. After lunch we went over to a softball field and played a pickup game. Nothing too competitive here, but lots of fun nonetheless. We hung out for a little while longer and left.
The ride home, we took a little detour over to one of the rich neighborhoods to look at some houses, and let me tell you, they were incredible (unfortunately, I don't have the capability to upload the pictures that I took here, otherwise there would be a link...but fear not as it will be the first thing I do when i get home). You have to remember when you look at the pictures that land and area in general in NY is at a premium, so the fact that these houses are on roughly an acre of land makes them RIDICULOUSLY expensive...BEFORE you even consider the house. Please also note that these pictures were taken at 20-30 mph, so they may not be the best pictures imaginable, but they work.
After we arrived home, we hung out for a little while, then decided to go get some dinner. Some insight into all that is Tim, I am not an adventurous eater. I have cultivated almost 28 years of eating experience, and I am pretty sure that I know what I like and don't like, and while the fact that I don't really take wild leaps when deciding what to eat probably precludes me from really enjoying my food life, I am really ok with that. All that being said, I decided before I got here that I would indulge Turbo and Lace a little and eat where they chose. Please also know that my sister and her boyfriend don't consider a restaurant a viable one unless there is a line out the door, and they are the only people not of the food's ethnicity in the restaurant (it is even better if they don't speak English there). So we went to a Pakistani-Indian-Bangladeshi place called Roti Boti, and they got me to eat some sort of spicy chicken kabob, spicier beef kabob (kind of dry) and something called kee-ma, which is essentially some kind of ground chicken in pepper stuff (it made my nose run). All in all, it was an enjoyable dinner, made more so by the flat-screen TV showing Indian music videos while we ate. Total price for all three of us: $23.00
After that it was off to home and time for bed. Monday will bring about bagels, Magnolia's, the best cupcake of my life, and a surprise for a high school friend.
Until then!!
The relaxing morning was in preparation for a trip out to Montauk for my sister's company picnic. The ride out was nice, and we got to see a little of the sound, and the park was tucked into a nice little area on Long Island. I got to meet the people that my sister works with, and we had a tasty lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers and more hot dogs. After lunch we went over to a softball field and played a pickup game. Nothing too competitive here, but lots of fun nonetheless. We hung out for a little while longer and left.
The ride home, we took a little detour over to one of the rich neighborhoods to look at some houses, and let me tell you, they were incredible (unfortunately, I don't have the capability to upload the pictures that I took here, otherwise there would be a link...but fear not as it will be the first thing I do when i get home). You have to remember when you look at the pictures that land and area in general in NY is at a premium, so the fact that these houses are on roughly an acre of land makes them RIDICULOUSLY expensive...BEFORE you even consider the house. Please also note that these pictures were taken at 20-30 mph, so they may not be the best pictures imaginable, but they work.
After we arrived home, we hung out for a little while, then decided to go get some dinner. Some insight into all that is Tim, I am not an adventurous eater. I have cultivated almost 28 years of eating experience, and I am pretty sure that I know what I like and don't like, and while the fact that I don't really take wild leaps when deciding what to eat probably precludes me from really enjoying my food life, I am really ok with that. All that being said, I decided before I got here that I would indulge Turbo and Lace a little and eat where they chose. Please also know that my sister and her boyfriend don't consider a restaurant a viable one unless there is a line out the door, and they are the only people not of the food's ethnicity in the restaurant (it is even better if they don't speak English there). So we went to a Pakistani-Indian-Bangladeshi place called Roti Boti, and they got me to eat some sort of spicy chicken kabob, spicier beef kabob (kind of dry) and something called kee-ma, which is essentially some kind of ground chicken in pepper stuff (it made my nose run). All in all, it was an enjoyable dinner, made more so by the flat-screen TV showing Indian music videos while we ate. Total price for all three of us: $23.00
After that it was off to home and time for bed. Monday will bring about bagels, Magnolia's, the best cupcake of my life, and a surprise for a high school friend.
Until then!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I am in New York
So I have arrived. The rest of my train trip was relatively uneventful and we arrived about 2 hours behind schedule. My system and her boyfriend met me at Penn Station, and from there it was about 20 minutes to the part of Queens where they live. They have a new apartment that I have not yet seen, and I must say that it is much larger than I expected for where we are. It has a nice kitchen, a very large living room, one bedroom and one bath. We get there at about 5:30, and it is just a quick hour and a half before they surprise me with a small party/gathering in my honor. Quick back story, one of the first things I asked my sister about doing up here when we were still in the planning stages was going to Cereality (a restaurant that only serves cereal!!), but they don't have those on the east coast, only the west...now back to the regular story. That night, she invited several friends over (no American Gladiator names for them because I would run out too quickly, so we will go with Saved by the Bell). Lisa, Zack and Kelly all showed up with milk or cereal in tow, and we had our own Cereality party!! It was freaking awesome!! For those of you who may not know me all that well, cereal is my favorite of all of the foods, and this was just the best possible way to start my vacation. From there we went on to play a game called Celebrity (if you would like to learn how to play, it is so very simple, but some of the most fun you can have), and then just hung out for a little while. I started to crash an hour or so later and went to bed.
The next day held softball at the part near Montauck.
The next day held softball at the part near Montauck.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Breakfast on the Train
So I just had the most wonderful breakfast on the train. Rather than taking my order in the car, I went to the diner car to kind of see what was going on. There is a policy on the train that puts parties of 1 or 2 together to conserve space. I was fortunate enough to sit with a lovely older black woman whose name I did not get (I will call her Rose). The fun started when Rose realized that she knew who our waitress was, but the waitress had no idea who she was. It seems that they both lived in South Carolina a few years ago and met at her (the waitress's) sister-in-law's funeral. Watching this waitress try and figure it out, while the woman gave clues was quite a treat.
Here Endeth the Story
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Rough Start
So the train was supposed to leave at 8:21 on Friday night and arrive in NY at 2:30 on Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, there was a derailment in New Orleans by a freight train, and that screwed the whole schedule up. We ended up leaving at 11:30 on Friday night, and arrived at 4:45 on Saturday. That is somewhat unfortunate, and everyone seems to be using that as a reason to ask my why I didn't fly instead. That will be the topic of another blog on another day, so if you can hold your tongue, I promise I will get there. In the meantime, I spent a great deal of time just observing what was going on at the train station, and here is what I came up with:
First of all, the TV was on Fox, and we were watching that incredible Rob Schneider vehicle The Animal (co-starring Colleen from the first season of Survivor, and Dr. Cox from Scrubs). That movie is the cinematic equivalent of someone taking a crap on a piece of paper and telling everyone that it is Shakespeare. What was surprising was the fact that Edgar from 24 (god rest his soul) makes an appearance. So TV wasn't an option.
I had gone to the book store with my parents before ending up at the train station, and I picked up my first Oprah Book Club book. I selected I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. I am about 35 pages into it, and it seems fantastic. I will let you know more about that as I get more into it.
I didn't really want to get all of my crap out of my duffel bag, so I ended up just kind of watching what was going down with the people. Sitting directly across from me was a 40 year old man and his 9 year old son (ages are approximated). They are watching a movie on their Apple lap top, and the little boy keeps laughing and talking about what is happening. The best part about that is that he is wearing ear phones and ends up talking loud enough for everyone in the train depot hear him. He (the 9 year old) is wearing about 15 different Live Strong bracelets on his left arm, and you can't see the skin from his wrist to his elbow. He is also eating a bag of Skittles from the vending machine, and I realize that I still eat Skittles like a little kid (one flavor at a time). At around 9:30, who I assume is the mom calls. You can tell from the dad's side of the conversation that she is somewhat nervous about the train not being there yet. As the night continues, we will end up becoming friends of convenience because he is nervous about the cultural breakdown in the depot, and as another white guy, I seem appealing to him. It turns out that they are from Jersey and are down on cosmetic reasons (dad's friend is a cosmetic dentist and fixed his front teeth issue for free). He brought his son as a sort of last hurrah before school starts after Labor Day. They end up going to the Georgia Aquarium and the new World of Coke (of which his uncle was one of the architects). We say goodbye as we board the train, but we see each other again at breakfast...and breakfast is a whole other blog unto itself, so we will come back to that.
To their right, there is an older woman who is reading A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. She has a fantastic fishing cap on, and she seems to be nervous in her surroundings and is holding the book up quite high so as not to be distracted and not be noticed.
I have to use the potty, so I get up and ask Jersey Dad to watch my bag. Once in there, I come across a Vietnam Vet with a slight handicap. I can tell he is a Vietnam Vet because he is wearing a trucker cap that says so with several medals on it. He walks with an obvious limp and a cane, but seems nice enough (this is someone my father spoke with while I was getting my ticket printed).
The next guy I saw makes me question how grown up people really are. This guy had a killer expensive phone, blue tooth head set, nice clothes on, and a freaking skateboard on his bag. I have no idea why, but apparently skateboarding is back, and now it is aiming at older men.
Final observation (not really a statement about this, just an observation). There were about 200+ people waiting for the train in Atlanta; of those 200 people, only 10% of them were white. There were 2 people of Hispanic decent (they actually went all the way to NY). The rest of them were black. Like I said, not a statement, just an observation. That is all for now. Breakfast will be coming up later in the day.
First of all, the TV was on Fox, and we were watching that incredible Rob Schneider vehicle The Animal (co-starring Colleen from the first season of Survivor, and Dr. Cox from Scrubs). That movie is the cinematic equivalent of someone taking a crap on a piece of paper and telling everyone that it is Shakespeare. What was surprising was the fact that Edgar from 24 (god rest his soul) makes an appearance. So TV wasn't an option.
I had gone to the book store with my parents before ending up at the train station, and I picked up my first Oprah Book Club book. I selected I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. I am about 35 pages into it, and it seems fantastic. I will let you know more about that as I get more into it.
I didn't really want to get all of my crap out of my duffel bag, so I ended up just kind of watching what was going down with the people. Sitting directly across from me was a 40 year old man and his 9 year old son (ages are approximated). They are watching a movie on their Apple lap top, and the little boy keeps laughing and talking about what is happening. The best part about that is that he is wearing ear phones and ends up talking loud enough for everyone in the train depot hear him. He (the 9 year old) is wearing about 15 different Live Strong bracelets on his left arm, and you can't see the skin from his wrist to his elbow. He is also eating a bag of Skittles from the vending machine, and I realize that I still eat Skittles like a little kid (one flavor at a time). At around 9:30, who I assume is the mom calls. You can tell from the dad's side of the conversation that she is somewhat nervous about the train not being there yet. As the night continues, we will end up becoming friends of convenience because he is nervous about the cultural breakdown in the depot, and as another white guy, I seem appealing to him. It turns out that they are from Jersey and are down on cosmetic reasons (dad's friend is a cosmetic dentist and fixed his front teeth issue for free). He brought his son as a sort of last hurrah before school starts after Labor Day. They end up going to the Georgia Aquarium and the new World of Coke (of which his uncle was one of the architects). We say goodbye as we board the train, but we see each other again at breakfast...and breakfast is a whole other blog unto itself, so we will come back to that.
To their right, there is an older woman who is reading A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. She has a fantastic fishing cap on, and she seems to be nervous in her surroundings and is holding the book up quite high so as not to be distracted and not be noticed.
I have to use the potty, so I get up and ask Jersey Dad to watch my bag. Once in there, I come across a Vietnam Vet with a slight handicap. I can tell he is a Vietnam Vet because he is wearing a trucker cap that says so with several medals on it. He walks with an obvious limp and a cane, but seems nice enough (this is someone my father spoke with while I was getting my ticket printed).
The next guy I saw makes me question how grown up people really are. This guy had a killer expensive phone, blue tooth head set, nice clothes on, and a freaking skateboard on his bag. I have no idea why, but apparently skateboarding is back, and now it is aiming at older men.
Final observation (not really a statement about this, just an observation). There were about 200+ people waiting for the train in Atlanta; of those 200 people, only 10% of them were white. There were 2 people of Hispanic decent (they actually went all the way to NY). The rest of them were black. Like I said, not a statement, just an observation. That is all for now. Breakfast will be coming up later in the day.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Country Mouse in the Big City
So I don't take a whole lot of actual vacations. I usually go visit family in CT, or end up just vegging out for a week on my couch. NOT THIS TIME!! I leave tomorrow night for New York City to hang out with my sister, Turbo, and her boyfriend, Lace. I don't want to get too much into what is going on right now, but I will have tons of pictures and will be regaling you all with stories of what goes down. Should be fun. Check back often!!
Here Beginith the Vacation!!
Here Beginith the Vacation!!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Lesson the Second: The Snooze Button and its Eerie Similarities to the 5 Stages of Grief
This idea struck me a while ago, but I had forgotten about it until just recently (this morning actually). I don't think there are going to be any American Gladiator references in this one, but it will still be worth the read.
It seems that it was a mere 51 years ago that the snooze button was unleashed unto the world. The introduction of the General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm (model #7H241) brought with it the "control bar." Ah...the control bar, the first incarnation of the snooze button. It was marketed as follows:
A device that was supposed to give you "control" of when you decided to wake up. This must have been revolutionary. I can imagine that there was talk that it would be the precursor to world peace. Surely the Cold War would be over before it could even get a chance to start with this incredible invention. But of course, they forgot about the rule of unintended consequences; not only did the Cold War fester and bubble calmly below the surface in the wake of this insipid device, but we were brought to the brink of nuclear war just 6 years later after JFK pressed the snooze button one too many times and woke up groggy and grouchy!!
Now I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know that I am compelled, almost by a force that is outside of my control, to hit that cursed button at least twice (this week I would've performed the Hallelujah Chorus using only a plastic kazoo from my dentist if I could have gotten up with only two snoozes). It is truly the bane of my existence (more so than even the dreaded Thank You Note!!).
But there is something interesting about what happens to you emotionally on a morning that you press the snooze button 4 times before waking up. You are run through a gamut of emotion that can only be accurately described as the Kübler-Ross Model for the 5 Stages of Grief. Allow me to explain a little about this Kübler-Ross Model. Originally introduced in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying (13 years after the dreaded "control button"), they describe the process that people go through when experiencing a tragic loss (their death or someone else's). Or in this case, the process that people go through when trying to escape the perilous clutches of the Snooze Button!!
Stage 1 - Denial
Kübler-Ross describes this as the initial stage of grief. This is of course our initial refusal to accept that something tragic has happened, hence the rejection. In the morning, this is experienced for me at 6:24am. The alarm sounds the melodic tones of a midi version of Vivaldi's Spring, and the first thing that goes through my mind is:
"NO!!! It's not time to wake up!! I just went to bed!! That can't be right!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 2 - Anger
The second stage of grief. This is when you begin to lash out at the fact that this is happening or has happened to you. This occurs for me at 6:33am. The alarm again sounds Vivaldi's Spring, and I think to myself:
"Rassifrassin flea-bitten varmint!! When I say WHOA, I mean WHOA!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 3 - Bargaining
The third stage of grief. Now we recognize that something is going to happen, but we really would like for it to occur on our terms, so we do what we can to tip the scales and gain something out of it. For me, this happens at 6:42am. Once more, I am awakened by the wonderful sounds of Vivaldi's Spring, and I think, as I lurch out of bed towards the alarm clock:
"Just one more snooze. Let me get one more snooze and I will get up and get going. 9 more minutes of precious sleep and my day will be better."
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 4 - Depression
The fourth stage of grief is one that can cause the most trouble for me. It is during this stage that I contemplate not going to work at all. I figure, it is too late for me to get up at this point anyway, why get up at all? Mind you that it is only 6:51 when this happens and I don't have to leave to go to work until 7:30, but grief doesn't always make sense. Sometimes, when the depression gets too great, I will roll out of bed and turn off Vivaldi's Spring and instead of plopping right back down into sleep I will call work and let them know that I am running slightly late and will probably be in around 9:15am. Like in grief, this stage can last the longest in Snooze because you will go back to sleep because you are depressed.
And in order for this to happen, what do I do? I press the snooze button (6 times for 54 minutes of sleep).
Stage 5 - Acceptance
The final stage of grief. The stage that you come to when you realize that if you don't get out of bed in the next minute or so, you are going to have to go to work stinky because you won't have time to take a shower. This stage is oftentimes accompanied by a prolonged sigh that indicates the epiphanic moment you experience when you have admitted defeat to the morning. There is one good thing about this stage above all others: No more freaking Vivaldi's Spring!!
Here Endeth the Lesson
It seems that it was a mere 51 years ago that the snooze button was unleashed unto the world. The introduction of the General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm (model #7H241) brought with it the "control bar." Ah...the control bar, the first incarnation of the snooze button. It was marketed as follows:
The new General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm is the world's most humane alarm clock. When the alarm sounds you just tap the control bar. The Snooz-Alarm will be silent and lets you sleep--but only for a few minutes. Then the alarm will sound again. Want to sleep a few minutes more? Tap the control bar again. After several minutes the Snooz-Alarm is heard from again --automatically!
Snooz-Alarm is electric. Like all General Electric-Telechron alarms, it will wake you for sure because it:
1. Sounds for 45 minutes unless shut off
2. Can't run down during the night
3. Never needs winding
4. Stays on time to the minute
A device that was supposed to give you "control" of when you decided to wake up. This must have been revolutionary. I can imagine that there was talk that it would be the precursor to world peace. Surely the Cold War would be over before it could even get a chance to start with this incredible invention. But of course, they forgot about the rule of unintended consequences; not only did the Cold War fester and bubble calmly below the surface in the wake of this insipid device, but we were brought to the brink of nuclear war just 6 years later after JFK pressed the snooze button one too many times and woke up groggy and grouchy!!
Now I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know that I am compelled, almost by a force that is outside of my control, to hit that cursed button at least twice (this week I would've performed the Hallelujah Chorus using only a plastic kazoo from my dentist if I could have gotten up with only two snoozes). It is truly the bane of my existence (more so than even the dreaded Thank You Note!!).
But there is something interesting about what happens to you emotionally on a morning that you press the snooze button 4 times before waking up. You are run through a gamut of emotion that can only be accurately described as the Kübler-Ross Model for the 5 Stages of Grief. Allow me to explain a little about this Kübler-Ross Model. Originally introduced in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying (13 years after the dreaded "control button"), they describe the process that people go through when experiencing a tragic loss (their death or someone else's). Or in this case, the process that people go through when trying to escape the perilous clutches of the Snooze Button!!
Stage 1 - Denial
Kübler-Ross describes this as the initial stage of grief. This is of course our initial refusal to accept that something tragic has happened, hence the rejection. In the morning, this is experienced for me at 6:24am. The alarm sounds the melodic tones of a midi version of Vivaldi's Spring, and the first thing that goes through my mind is:
"NO!!! It's not time to wake up!! I just went to bed!! That can't be right!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 2 - Anger
The second stage of grief. This is when you begin to lash out at the fact that this is happening or has happened to you. This occurs for me at 6:33am. The alarm again sounds Vivaldi's Spring, and I think to myself:
"Rassifrassin flea-bitten varmint!! When I say WHOA, I mean WHOA!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 3 - Bargaining
The third stage of grief. Now we recognize that something is going to happen, but we really would like for it to occur on our terms, so we do what we can to tip the scales and gain something out of it. For me, this happens at 6:42am. Once more, I am awakened by the wonderful sounds of Vivaldi's Spring, and I think, as I lurch out of bed towards the alarm clock:
"Just one more snooze. Let me get one more snooze and I will get up and get going. 9 more minutes of precious sleep and my day will be better."
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 4 - Depression
The fourth stage of grief is one that can cause the most trouble for me. It is during this stage that I contemplate not going to work at all. I figure, it is too late for me to get up at this point anyway, why get up at all? Mind you that it is only 6:51 when this happens and I don't have to leave to go to work until 7:30, but grief doesn't always make sense. Sometimes, when the depression gets too great, I will roll out of bed and turn off Vivaldi's Spring and instead of plopping right back down into sleep I will call work and let them know that I am running slightly late and will probably be in around 9:15am. Like in grief, this stage can last the longest in Snooze because you will go back to sleep because you are depressed.
And in order for this to happen, what do I do? I press the snooze button (6 times for 54 minutes of sleep).
Stage 5 - Acceptance
The final stage of grief. The stage that you come to when you realize that if you don't get out of bed in the next minute or so, you are going to have to go to work stinky because you won't have time to take a shower. This stage is oftentimes accompanied by a prolonged sigh that indicates the epiphanic moment you experience when you have admitted defeat to the morning. There is one good thing about this stage above all others: No more freaking Vivaldi's Spring!!
Here Endeth the Lesson
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Reader Blog the First: The 2007 Pre-season NFL Power Rankings - Timmy Style
This blog marks my first foray into writing a reader submitted topic. While these topics may be less universal than some, I will do my best to make them accessible to all so that there can enjoyment to be had even if you don't care about the topic, per se. Today's topic comes to us from one Nitro*. A little history into who Nitro is. Nitro and I met 1st semester of my freshman year of college. I had gone with my friend Lace* to auditions for The Complete Works of William Shakespeare: Abridged and Nitro was there with his roommate Sam (who may appear in a future blog as the subject of several funny stories at his expense). Interesting side note, this play is the first and only play that I have auditioned for in which I wasn't cast (though I did later get the part after a cast member dropped out). Anyway, Nitro and I ended up becoming great and fast friends, lived together twice, dated the same girl once, and watched countless football games together (including the Superbowl in 1999 with the Falcons and the Broncos). Nitro is my football friend and has asked that I release my highly anticipated NFL Power Rankings.
To explain how I came to my rankings, very simply I just stole them from 8 people smarter than me. I took 8 different rankings and just averaged where every team stood. I was going to try and come up with my own rankings, but I realized that I have no idea what I am talking about...EVER.
And now, without further ado:
So there you have it. The first reader submitted blog topic. My next topic should be a winner. It was submitted to me by one of our friends from the north, Ice*.
Here endeth the Power Rankings.
*Remember, all names are American Gladiators until I get permission to use them.
To explain how I came to my rankings, very simply I just stole them from 8 people smarter than me. I took 8 different rankings and just averaged where every team stood. I was going to try and come up with my own rankings, but I realized that I have no idea what I am talking about...EVER.
And now, without further ado:
| Ranking | Team | Reason |
| 1st | Patriots | The New England Patriots occupy the top spot based solely on their embarrassment of riches in the WR position. Tom Brady has been one of the best with one of the worst receiving corp. Imagine how good he will be with WRs Randy Moss, Troy Brown, Reche Caldwell, Donte Stallworth and Jabar Gaffney. Plus these are the two women that Tom Brady has been linked to, and any man that can get with two women of that calibar deserves to be ranked number 1 at something. |
| 2nd | Chargers | Ladainian Tomlinson is the best running back in the last 2,134 years. The last time we saw a ball carrier this good, Moses was carrying the 10 Commandments down Mt. Sinai. |
| 3rd | Colts | The Colts would be ranked number one based on Peyton Manning's MasterCard commercials alone. Unfortunately for us, for every MasterCard commercial, there is a Sprint Ad. |
| 4th | Bears | I think the reason that the Bears are this high is because I accidentally included Peter King's 1985 Power Rankings in my formula. I actually think the Bears suck…in fact, the only thing the Bears have ever done worthy of note is this (and possibly being the inspiration for this). |
| 5th | Ravens | Willis McGahee makes this offense much stronger than it was last year, but Steve McNair is old and won't be much help under center. Also, Ray Lewis gets the Ravens bonus points for parlaying a murder rap into the cover of Madden 05 and an Under Armor endorsement deal. |
| 6th | Saints | I like the Saints. They were the feel good story of the year last year, and I think with another year in the NFL, Reggie Bush will show us how good he can be. Nothing witty here, I really like this team. |
| 7th | Broncos | Another humorless entry. Too many tragic things have happened to the Broncos for me to joke about these guys. I look forward to the inspirational montages we get to see about the two players who died over the off-season. |
| 8th | Eagles | Controversy abounds in Philly this pre-season, but when the dust settles, Donovan McNabb's mom will be the clear winner over Brian Westbrook's for the team "Campbell's Chunky Soup Cooker." |
| 9th | Cowboys | Tony Romo turned out not to be the second coming of Troy Aikmen last season, and should have invested heavily in some stick-um (not to be confused with steak-ums) during the off-season. Bill Parcels is gone, but that is probably a good thing. Now if we could only get TO to actually do something right. |
| 10th | Bengals | No, those stripes on the Bengals helmets are not prison bars, but they might as well be. I think that the offense for Cincy will be crazy good, as will Chad Johnson's end-zone celebrations. |
| 11th | Jets | The Jets may have played out of their shoes last season, but the addition of Thomas Jones to the offense will help immensely…they may be ranked too low at 11. |
| 12th | Seahawks | Shaun Alexander fell back to earth last season, but he should be back to his normal high level performance this year and that will help Matt Hasselback immensely. The Hawks win their division this year. |
| 13th | Steelers | Big Ben has a new head coach this year, but should do well in his new system. A year further away from his helmetless motorcycle accident should help too. Seriously though, who the hell doesn't wear a helmet when they ride a motorcycle?! |
| 14th | Jaguars | I don't really know too much about this team, except that they tried to get Daunte Culpepper. That doesn't inspire confidence in their QBs Huard and Leftwhich. |
| 15th | 49ers | This is a team on the rise. I know that growing up I always hated the 49ers the way I hated the Cowboys, the Yankees, the Bulls and the Oakland A's. I actually like them this year because they are coming back up from the dregs of the NFL. |
| 16th | Panthers | They get the award for falling the furthest after a Super Bowl appearance since the Oakland Raiders. They should be much better than they were last season. Maybe they will get some more consistent play from Jake Delhomme. |
| 17th | Rams | Mark Bulger has his contract which means that the Rams don't have to worry about throwing for 25+ touchdowns. The problem will be that they will probably let the other teams score many more than that with their secondary. |
| 18th | Giants | Eli Manning needs to go far to catch up with his brother. |
| 19th | Titans | Vince Young should be pleased that he is on the cover of Madden 08…that may be all he has to be pleased about this season. |
| 20th | Chiefs | The Chiefs haven't been funny since this great ad. |
| 21st | Cardinals | They could finish lower than this, or they could finish way up high. I like Leinert, and they certainly have the tools to be successful, they just don't know what to do with them. |
| 22nd | Bills | I miss Jim Kelly. |
| 23rd | Falcons | No. I am not going to touch this one. |
| 24th | Packers | Brett Favre should break 4 significant records this season (the most significant being the consecutive games started streak). |
| 25th | Lions | Calvin Johnson may be the best 3rd receiver in all of the NFL. $5 says he ends up at the top of their depth chart by Thanksgiving. |
| 26th | Redskins | They are all old. But at least their team name isn't rascist. |
| 27th | Dolphins | Nitro has a funny story about how big a jerk-off Dan Marino is. Message him on Facebook and make him tell you about it. |
| 28th | Texans | Matt Schaub got out of Atlanta at just the right time…unfortunately he ended up in Houston. |
| 29th | Buccaneers | They're under my buccin' hat. |
| 30th | Vikings | The one thing that the Vikings owner doesn't have to worry about is a sex-boat scandal. No one knows anyone that actually plays for the Vikings anymore. |
| 31st | Raiders | 2 wins. That's it. |
| 32nd | Browns | They are probably way better than this, but the numbers didn't work well in my formula. |
So there you have it. The first reader submitted blog topic. My next topic should be a winner. It was submitted to me by one of our friends from the north, Ice*.
Here endeth the Power Rankings.
*Remember, all names are American Gladiators until I get permission to use them.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
No lesson today, just some thoughts on electronic paper
So I hope everyone has had a wonderful week. I am just sitting here on Sunday afternoon trying to figure out if I am going to be productive today or if I am just going to sit around and think about being productive next weekend instead. I figured I might as well write a little update on the ol' blog. Please allow me to apologize about the stream-of-conscious feel that this may take.
First - Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's all-time home-run record last night. I would just like for it to be on record that I think that Barry Bonds may be the single greatest cheater in the history of professional sports. While I certainly understand that he has not been convicted in a court of law, and the evidence as it currently exists is not enough to even bring a case against him, the burden of proof is a little bit different for the Court of Timmy and he has been tried, convicted and is scheduled for record book "asterisk-ification." Here is to hoping he blows his knee out before he can hit another one.
Second - I have noticed a trend in websites to include an embedded sort of spell-check for when people are typing emails, comments, blogs, etc. I am a fan of this trend and look forward to its expanded application. There is one thing that makes me laugh though and that is that when you are on MySpace and you actually reference MySpace in your message or blog it is marked as being spelled incorrectly. Wouldn't you think that the marketing/branding department for MySpace would have made sure to right-click on MySpace and add it to their dictionary? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Third - I was driving out of my neighborhood the other day and I saw a guy taking the tarp/cover off of his car. I have never been one to worry about the protection of my car from ...really anything (the elements, my propensity to use it as a trash can/laundry basket, other car's trailer hitches), but I can understand why someone would want to protect a car, especially a new car/classic car. Here is the thing though: The car was neither new or a classic. It was, in fact, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
This guy has put a cover on that car?! That takes it to a scary Danny Tanner level (that Danny Tanner link is a little dirty, so click with caution).
Fourth - Is anyone else as obsessed with Wikipedia.com as I am? I could literally spend days on that site. May favorite thing to do now is to post things that are mostly true and see how long it takes for people to realize that there is something wrong with it and fix it. It seems that the Buffy site keepers are the best at it (it only takes around 5 minutes before they realize something is wrong).
Finally - A dear friend of mine, Lila Stevens, has been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer and is currently receiving treatment in Houston. There is a website that you can go on and get updates on her condition and sign a guestbook letting her know you visited. The prognosis is not the best, but they are holding strong to hope and are fighting this with everything they have. Lila is one of the greatest women I have ever known, and I know that she will do everything that she can to defy this disease. I love you very much Lila!!
Sorry to end on a depressing note.
Have a great week all!!
First - Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's all-time home-run record last night. I would just like for it to be on record that I think that Barry Bonds may be the single greatest cheater in the history of professional sports. While I certainly understand that he has not been convicted in a court of law, and the evidence as it currently exists is not enough to even bring a case against him, the burden of proof is a little bit different for the Court of Timmy and he has been tried, convicted and is scheduled for record book "asterisk-ification." Here is to hoping he blows his knee out before he can hit another one.
Second - I have noticed a trend in websites to include an embedded sort of spell-check for when people are typing emails, comments, blogs, etc. I am a fan of this trend and look forward to its expanded application. There is one thing that makes me laugh though and that is that when you are on MySpace and you actually reference MySpace in your message or blog it is marked as being spelled incorrectly. Wouldn't you think that the marketing/branding department for MySpace would have made sure to right-click on MySpace and add it to their dictionary? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Third - I was driving out of my neighborhood the other day and I saw a guy taking the tarp/cover off of his car. I have never been one to worry about the protection of my car from ...really anything (the elements, my propensity to use it as a trash can/laundry basket, other car's trailer hitches), but I can understand why someone would want to protect a car, especially a new car/classic car. Here is the thing though: The car was neither new or a classic. It was, in fact, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
This guy has put a cover on that car?! That takes it to a scary Danny Tanner level (that Danny Tanner link is a little dirty, so click with caution).Fourth - Is anyone else as obsessed with Wikipedia.com as I am? I could literally spend days on that site. May favorite thing to do now is to post things that are mostly true and see how long it takes for people to realize that there is something wrong with it and fix it. It seems that the Buffy site keepers are the best at it (it only takes around 5 minutes before they realize something is wrong).
Finally - A dear friend of mine, Lila Stevens, has been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer and is currently receiving treatment in Houston. There is a website that you can go on and get updates on her condition and sign a guestbook letting her know you visited. The prognosis is not the best, but they are holding strong to hope and are fighting this with everything they have. Lila is one of the greatest women I have ever known, and I know that she will do everything that she can to defy this disease. I love you very much Lila!!
Sorry to end on a depressing note.
Have a great week all!!
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