So I have taken this week off, and while I haven't chronicled my experiences on this vacation like I did my last vacation, I will say that I have had a wonderful time. Just to let you know, I have watched TV (boo on Tin Man - a reimagining of the Wizard of Oz), played video games (yay to Call of Duty 4 - some of the most fun EVAR), went shopping (boo on mall traffic), eaten a whole lot (yay to Japanese Hibachi style cooking), and sat on my ass (yay to that in general).
Maybe I will have something more profound to say later in the week, but for now Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day and Happy New Year!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Lesson the First Point Oh - The Thank-You Note Re-Visited
So there has been a whole lot of hullabaloo about the Thank You Note this week, so I thought I would revisit the issue. I have done a great deal of thinking on this issue, prompted in part by the uproar caused by my first post, and in part because I am always yearning to better myself. I have decided that I don't hate the Thank You Note...my eyes have been opened by Kimber and Sazymae and numerous other people (I would be remiss to leave out my mom). That doesn't mean that the hate is gone from my heart; it just means that I have finally discovered what the hatred really is. I hate that expectation that I am supposed to write you a Thank You Note. If it really is about the rainbows and butterflies feeling that you get (as Sazymae writes so eloquently here), then that is fine, but you do it because you want to, not because I gave you something and I expect it from you. And if you are afraid to be socially awkward by asking whether someone received the gift (as Kimber so brilliantly wrote to here), then you probably aren't good enough friends with the person to get a gumdrops and cupcakes feeling inducing TYN. In that case, you are expecting a TYN as confirmation?! No, not at all. That doesn't work for me. So ultimately, I get why people would want to send them...I still don't get why people expect them. I am sure the debate will continue on.
Here Endeth the Lesson Point Oh.
Here Endeth the Lesson Point Oh.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Can't talk about football yet. Enjoy this instead!!
So I am still too disgusted by the way things went down this weekend to talk about them, so instead I will post a video of one of my favorite modeling incidents in the entirety of ever. Please enjoy:
Saturday, December 1, 2007
New Honk City - Vacation Redux
If there are only two things that I learned in my trip to New York it was the fact that driver in New York are either the best drivers in the world or the worst, and other parts of the country do not use their horn enough. For those of you who have never driven in the Big Apple, let me go ahead and describe it for you in one sentence:
Driving in New York City is like playing Mario Kart without the green shells and banana peels.
It is absolutely insane. You have to be on the lookout for bikers on your right and left (they drive between lanes, tempting the Gods). You have to watch for pedestrians who foolishly mock the relative safety of the Walk/Don't Walk signs and decide to cross the street a half a block from a crosswalk. You have to remember that there are no rights on red in the entire city, even though there are no signs that indicate this. You have to remember that when the light turns green, it is time to GO. You need to be on the ready for a taxi to seemingly fall from the sky at any moment either in front, behind or to the left or right of you (and in some cases on all four sides). And the speed limit is defined as whatever speed the person behind you thinks that they can go.
Now if you don't remember this, it is ok, because everyone on the road will remind you with a subtle honk of their horn. It is actually quite comforting to know that everyone else has your back for that first honk. The problem arises when you don't translate the horn honk correctly. Say you think that the horn honk is because you were changing lanes when you shouldn't, but it was in fact because you were going too slow at the green light you just went through...prepare to be assailed by a barrage of horn honks that will make you feel tiny and embarrassed in a way that evokes letting down your role models.
But the best part is that you quickly assimilate to the honking of the horns. You realize what an incredible system it is to have every person on the road feel that they are responsible for your safety and to make sure that traffic doesn't back up because of something a silly as not drag racing off the green light. You want to be a part of this (usually on the second day of driving in New York...the first day usually ends with you laying in a bathrobe on the couch drinking copious amounts of your alcoholic beverage of choice). You want to be part of something bigger than you.
And then you leave the city and go home to your calm existence in the smaller parts of the country. You drive down your suburban streets with relative ease knowing that you don't have to worry about bicycles zooming down the lined median. You know that the pace of life is a little bit slower and you are grateful for it. And you sit second in line at the traffic light by your house and know that it isn't necessary to stomp on your peddle like a roach and zoom through the intersection once the light turns green...until of course you realize that the woman in front of you is both talking on her cellphone and putting on mascara, at which point you realize that honking the horn is not just something done to keep the roads safe and free from traffic, but also as a release because otherwise you would go mad from all of the idiots on the road.
So I say this, the next time you are at a light and someone doesn't realize that it has changed to green, or say you are trying to just go with the flow of traffic but someone is blocking the intersection because they tried to sneak through the yellow light and didn't make it, or any number of instances that might frustrate you...please just tap your horn at them and let them know that they need to correct the problem. And if that doesn't work, do like our fellow countrymen in the Big Apple would do: Lay on that horn until they are out of site or you have passed them.
Driving in New York City is like playing Mario Kart without the green shells and banana peels.
It is absolutely insane. You have to be on the lookout for bikers on your right and left (they drive between lanes, tempting the Gods). You have to watch for pedestrians who foolishly mock the relative safety of the Walk/Don't Walk signs and decide to cross the street a half a block from a crosswalk. You have to remember that there are no rights on red in the entire city, even though there are no signs that indicate this. You have to remember that when the light turns green, it is time to GO. You need to be on the ready for a taxi to seemingly fall from the sky at any moment either in front, behind or to the left or right of you (and in some cases on all four sides). And the speed limit is defined as whatever speed the person behind you thinks that they can go.
Now if you don't remember this, it is ok, because everyone on the road will remind you with a subtle honk of their horn. It is actually quite comforting to know that everyone else has your back for that first honk. The problem arises when you don't translate the horn honk correctly. Say you think that the horn honk is because you were changing lanes when you shouldn't, but it was in fact because you were going too slow at the green light you just went through...prepare to be assailed by a barrage of horn honks that will make you feel tiny and embarrassed in a way that evokes letting down your role models.
But the best part is that you quickly assimilate to the honking of the horns. You realize what an incredible system it is to have every person on the road feel that they are responsible for your safety and to make sure that traffic doesn't back up because of something a silly as not drag racing off the green light. You want to be a part of this (usually on the second day of driving in New York...the first day usually ends with you laying in a bathrobe on the couch drinking copious amounts of your alcoholic beverage of choice). You want to be part of something bigger than you.
And then you leave the city and go home to your calm existence in the smaller parts of the country. You drive down your suburban streets with relative ease knowing that you don't have to worry about bicycles zooming down the lined median. You know that the pace of life is a little bit slower and you are grateful for it. And you sit second in line at the traffic light by your house and know that it isn't necessary to stomp on your peddle like a roach and zoom through the intersection once the light turns green...until of course you realize that the woman in front of you is both talking on her cellphone and putting on mascara, at which point you realize that honking the horn is not just something done to keep the roads safe and free from traffic, but also as a release because otherwise you would go mad from all of the idiots on the road.
So I say this, the next time you are at a light and someone doesn't realize that it has changed to green, or say you are trying to just go with the flow of traffic but someone is blocking the intersection because they tried to sneak through the yellow light and didn't make it, or any number of instances that might frustrate you...please just tap your horn at them and let them know that they need to correct the problem. And if that doesn't work, do like our fellow countrymen in the Big Apple would do: Lay on that horn until they are out of site or you have passed them.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Lesson the Third: You did it all by myself!!
So I have this annoying habit of correcting improper grammar usage during conversation. It is something that, when I started doing it, I thought it would be kind of funny and just another quirk that I have. However, now that I have spent some time with this I realize that it is obnoxious and flat rude (don't get me wrong, I still correct you in my head, I just don't say it out loud). That being said, the one misused word that gets me riled up every time is the word myself (though technically I speak to every word in that family: myself, yourself, himself, herself and themselves). I absolutely, positively, unequivocally hate when people use that word incorrectly. And it seems to be happening more and more!! It is almost like people want to sound more sophisticated, so they trumpet out the word myself in the following way:
"Burr won't be in the office today, so just email Michelle or myself."
Now if you have just read the above sentence and thought to yourself "yeah, that is the correct way to say that" please press the back button at the top of your web browser and go watch You Tube clips of Santa Barbara because no. It should be me...just email Michelle or me. If you are unsure how to use it, or think that you may possibly use it incorrectly, just don't use it. If you absolutely must use it, please say the sentence in your head first and just use "myself." The above sentence sounds even more stupid when you say:
"Burr won't be in the office today, so just email myself."
For those curious about the rule, the "self" family of words are used only to describe the subject (i.e. I did it myself.; You did it yourself.; She did it herself.; He did it himself.; They did it themselves. - Notice a pattern?).
I certainly don't want to come off as a pompous Grammar Nazi, but this is just one of those things that I need yourselves to take care of.
Here endeth the lesson.
"Burr won't be in the office today, so just email Michelle or myself."
Now if you have just read the above sentence and thought to yourself "yeah, that is the correct way to say that" please press the back button at the top of your web browser and go watch You Tube clips of Santa Barbara because no. It should be me...just email Michelle or me. If you are unsure how to use it, or think that you may possibly use it incorrectly, just don't use it. If you absolutely must use it, please say the sentence in your head first and just use "myself." The above sentence sounds even more stupid when you say:
"Burr won't be in the office today, so just email myself."
For those curious about the rule, the "self" family of words are used only to describe the subject (i.e. I did it myself.; You did it yourself.; She did it herself.; He did it himself.; They did it themselves. - Notice a pattern?).
I certainly don't want to come off as a pompous Grammar Nazi, but this is just one of those things that I need yourselves to take care of.
Here endeth the lesson.
Friday, November 16, 2007
A blackout of a different variety.
So I was driving to work this morning and started really thinking about how crappy the WGA's strike is for the TV viewers. I absolutely hate that my favorite shows are being cut short, not airing, or cancelled altogether. I cannot fathom that, after finally getting the slow start to pay off, that I only have 3 episodes of Heroes left. I hate that The Daily Show has been stuck in perpetual reruns. I hate that shows like Journeyman and K-Ville, while admittedly not the best shows I have ever watched, will end up as afterthoughts of memories when all is said and done.
But at the same time I feel some internal struggle because I actually think that the WGA has some legitimate beefs. For those of you that don't know, the writers are fighting to increase the revenue they get from back-end residuals on DVD sales and to get any residuals on money received from Internet broadcasts (iTunes and Amazon Unboxed sales and also ad sales from website broadcasts). It is funny because everyone knows who the actors and directors are for movies and television. A large number of people know who the producers for shows are (Jerry Brukheimer/Joss Whedon/Shonda Rhimes/Bryan Singer/Aaron Sorkin/Mark Bellarus all pop to mind without even thinking hard). But how many people know who the writers are for shows (besides TV freaks like me)? These people are the ones who craft the genius that is our favorite TV shows. I can assure you that Grey's Anatomy, House, CSI:, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Turks and Cacaos and every other show that you love to watch would be shells of the shows they are without the writers doing what they do. And what are we going to get instead of these scripted shows? That's right, reality TV. Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Apprentice, 3 episodes a week of Deal or No Deal, a brand new American Gladiators (seriously), Extreme Makeover...all kinds of crap that the networks can put out to make sure they have something to broadcast. I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to watch on TV is Todd Bridges in the boardroom with Donald Trump.
So here is what I propose: On December 20th (a Thursday night - the most profitable for the networks) we should all turn our TVs off. While it is especially important that Neilson families are a part of this, I think that we should all do our part and not watch the television that night. By doing it on the 20th of December, it gives us a little over a month to get the ball rolling on the grassroots campaign that we will need to get this going. I truthfully have no idea how many people read this blog, but if any of you know people who can create applications for Facebook or a website that we can use as a petition/sign-in book for people who will be turning their TVs off that night, please let me know (email me at tvblackout@hotmail.com). I am going to do my part and email my idea to several people who have larger readership than me in the hopes that they will take part as well.
I really think that we have an opportunity to show the people in Hollywood that we are the third party in these negotiations, and we have the most negotiating power!!
But at the same time I feel some internal struggle because I actually think that the WGA has some legitimate beefs. For those of you that don't know, the writers are fighting to increase the revenue they get from back-end residuals on DVD sales and to get any residuals on money received from Internet broadcasts (iTunes and Amazon Unboxed sales and also ad sales from website broadcasts). It is funny because everyone knows who the actors and directors are for movies and television. A large number of people know who the producers for shows are (Jerry Brukheimer/Joss Whedon/Shonda Rhimes/Bryan Singer/Aaron Sorkin/Mark Bellarus all pop to mind without even thinking hard). But how many people know who the writers are for shows (besides TV freaks like me)? These people are the ones who craft the genius that is our favorite TV shows. I can assure you that Grey's Anatomy, House, CSI:, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, CSI: Turks and Cacaos and every other show that you love to watch would be shells of the shows they are without the writers doing what they do. And what are we going to get instead of these scripted shows? That's right, reality TV. Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Apprentice, 3 episodes a week of Deal or No Deal, a brand new American Gladiators (seriously), Extreme Makeover...all kinds of crap that the networks can put out to make sure they have something to broadcast. I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to watch on TV is Todd Bridges in the boardroom with Donald Trump.
So here is what I propose: On December 20th (a Thursday night - the most profitable for the networks) we should all turn our TVs off. While it is especially important that Neilson families are a part of this, I think that we should all do our part and not watch the television that night. By doing it on the 20th of December, it gives us a little over a month to get the ball rolling on the grassroots campaign that we will need to get this going. I truthfully have no idea how many people read this blog, but if any of you know people who can create applications for Facebook or a website that we can use as a petition/sign-in book for people who will be turning their TVs off that night, please let me know (email me at tvblackout@hotmail.com). I am going to do my part and email my idea to several people who have larger readership than me in the hopes that they will take part as well.
I really think that we have an opportunity to show the people in Hollywood that we are the third party in these negotiations, and we have the most negotiating power!!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
You should probably be praying for intelligence.
So the governor of the State of Georgia decided that, in the face of the worst drought on record, he would lead a prayer group on Tuesday at 11:00am. This prayer group would be charged with turning the tide, getting God back on our side and starting our faucets and hoses flowing again. Forget the fact that they waited to hold the prayer group until the forecast was in their favor (a better than half chance that it was going to rain on Wednesday night). Forget that the simple admission that we needed to pray to God for rain means that he was willfully withholding the rain for us for some reason and that we must appease him. Instead, just revel in the following quotes given by our Governor this morning:
"It is great affirmation of what we asked for." - Exactly. Especially since we asked for the weatherman to predict when it was going to rain so that we could stage a stunt prayer group and look like we actually had something to do with the rain.
"As we do all we can from a conservation standpoint, virtually all of us know we are dependent on rain. I am just a person who believes it comes from God." - And I am just a person who believes that if it comes from God, then when it doesn't come that this is from God too.
I certainly don't mean to poop on the power of prayer, but I just cannot stand it when politicians stump for religion in such a blatantly dumb way. And whoever it was that decided to piss of the Big Guy this season, please apologize so that he will let the rain fall again.
Peace out!!
"It is great affirmation of what we asked for." - Exactly. Especially since we asked for the weatherman to predict when it was going to rain so that we could stage a stunt prayer group and look like we actually had something to do with the rain.
"As we do all we can from a conservation standpoint, virtually all of us know we are dependent on rain. I am just a person who believes it comes from God." - And I am just a person who believes that if it comes from God, then when it doesn't come that this is from God too.
I certainly don't mean to poop on the power of prayer, but I just cannot stand it when politicians stump for religion in such a blatantly dumb way. And whoever it was that decided to piss of the Big Guy this season, please apologize so that he will let the rain fall again.
Peace out!!
Friday, November 9, 2007
At last, he returns!!
So allow me to start off by apologizing to anyone who has read my blog in the past. I have been a negligent blogger since I returned from NYC, and for that I apologize. I wish I could say that it is because I have been so exceptionally busy that I just didn't have time to do it...sadly, I have just not been in the mood to sit down and write anything. But enough about that, because I am back and that is all that matters!!
I leave tomorrow morning for a trip to Tampa, FL for work. I will be down there for the next four days and will be flying back up on Tuesday afternoon. For anyone who has known me for any period of time over the past 10 years or so, you know that I have absolutely hated to fly to this point in my life. I have thought a great deal about this, and I am pretty sure that it has to do with the loss of control that accompanies getting on a plane. That being said, I have decided to take a little control back and I am going to do my level best to not be frightened like a little girl tomorrow and Tuesday (no offense intended to little girls, of course). As a small aside, should the unlikely happen and my plane crash, I have instructed my family to have the following tombstone created:
I know that it is horribly irreverent, but it just kind of struck me as funny and I think really summed up my attitude in life.
Not much else to say right now, but if anything crazy happens while in Tampa, I will certainly let you know about it!!
I leave tomorrow morning for a trip to Tampa, FL for work. I will be down there for the next four days and will be flying back up on Tuesday afternoon. For anyone who has known me for any period of time over the past 10 years or so, you know that I have absolutely hated to fly to this point in my life. I have thought a great deal about this, and I am pretty sure that it has to do with the loss of control that accompanies getting on a plane. That being said, I have decided to take a little control back and I am going to do my level best to not be frightened like a little girl tomorrow and Tuesday (no offense intended to little girls, of course). As a small aside, should the unlikely happen and my plane crash, I have instructed my family to have the following tombstone created:
I know that it is horribly irreverent, but it just kind of struck me as funny and I think really summed up my attitude in life.
Not much else to say right now, but if anything crazy happens while in Tampa, I will certainly let you know about it!!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
RENTsday
So Wednesday is the day that we have decided to go see a show on Broadway (we didn't really decide this on our own so much as have it decided by the powers that be who only schedule matinees on Wednesday). We took the subway into the city and kind of just hung out in Time Square for a little while (there will be much more on this in a wrap-up blog after I get home). We had decided earlier in the week to go see Avenue Q (it is basically Sesame Street if it were written by a dirty comic and set to music...it has puppets and everything). It turns out though that Wednesday is the only day of the week that Avenue Q is dark (no show at all). That was quite the bummer, so we had to figure something else to see. The first thought was to go see Wicked, unfortunately Wicked has been so wickedly successful that they don't have discounted tickets for a matinee (and this is after almost 5 years on Broadway). We then decided to go see The Putnam County Spelling Bee (a comedy about a spelling bee...yeah, deep); however, that too was not available at the THTK window for the matinee. We finally settled on Curtains, which is a comedy starring David Hyde Pierce from Frasier and is written by the people who wrote Chicago. We get up to the line (which is just JAM PACKED!!), and the guy at the window says that they only have partial view seats left.
"ARGH!! No partial view for us, thank you very much. How about Hairspray? It only has partial view too?! What about...well, what do you have that isn't partial view? RENT? Your call Bex, I have already seen it three times. Yeah, I would happily see it again. Okay, 2 for RENT."
So RENT it is. Let me just go ahead and say that while it was Les Mis that really got me into musical theater to begin with, it was RENT that really sparked my passion for it (and that is an extremely heterosexual passion that is both healthy and cultural). I first bought the double disc CD way back in 1994 (the day it came out, no less). The first time I saw the show was the night before my senior prom in 1998 (I went with Beaner, and we wore our prom get-up). I saw it again a few years later, and then again a few years ago with some of my favorite people in the world (no names yet, but you all know who you are) and one not so favorite person who is just not in my circle of friends anymore. I ended up seeing the movie the weekend it came out with my parents and bought that soundtrack as well. The best part about the movie is that the majority of the original cast returned. That being said, the tickets ended up costing $60 each, and after we paid it, we were both experienced some buyer's remorse (all the other shows were only $35). Whatever.
We happen to have some time to kill before the show starts, so we go to the Toys'R'Us in Time Square. HOLY CRAP IT IS THE BIGGEST TOY STORE I HAVE EVER SEEN!! There are entire sections devoted to specific toys!! There was a Barbie Castle...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STORE!! There is a Ferris Wheel...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STORE!! There is a section on the 1st floor that is devoted solely to video games, and it is bigger than most toy stores that I have ever been in. There is a section devoted to Legos, and Bex and I were lamenting about how Legos used to just be sold in a box of Legos. Now they are kits and you can only build the thing that is on the box. WEHEHEHELL, as we walked through the Lego section, we came across an alcove that was 100 different color Legos drawers that you could just put in a bag!! On the second floor, there were Sony Computers, and sections for Spiderman and the Transformers among others. A man that looked eerily similar to Sherman Helmsley dressed in a King's costume sold something. There was a third floor!! It was absolutely amazing and every little kid's wet dream.
So we have wasted the requisite amount of time, and head over to the Nederlander Theater. The outside of the theater is all RENTed out, and people have written all kinds of notes and such all over the walls. We get inside and the usher brings us to our seats...10th row Orchestra dead center. Literally the best seats in the house. I am overcome a little by the moment and decide to risk taking a picture of the set from my seats...bad idea, and the usher from the other side comes over and berates my for taking a picture (got to keep it anyway!!). Still have about 15 minutes to curtain, so we start reading through our Playbills. There is an article about the new Sandy and Danny from the Grease Revival, but the reviews are pretty dismal. We then get to the page that has the original credits from the show...Written by Jonathan Larson...Directed by someone...Staring Adam Pascal as Roger, Anthony Rapp as Mark, Tamyra Gray as Mimi...
"Wait a minute, Tamyra Gray wasn't in the first cast, she was on Americal Idol. Becca, look at this page...I think that the original Mark and Roger are in today's show. There are no understudy inserts in the program."
That is right. The original Mark and Roger star in today's show. For those of you that are not theater savvy, let me just say that being able to see anyone from an original cast star in a show 13 years after that show debuted is a dream come true. Seeing that this is my favorite show of all time, this is the greatest possible thing that could have happened. All three other times that I have seen the show, it was like watching actors play the actors who played the parts. Today I am gonig to be able to see the show with the actors who were part of what I fell in love with. The buyer's remorse that we previously experienced has now gone so far away that I have to strain just to remember that it is there. I have freaking goosebumps. They first come out on stage, and before they utter a word or sing a syllable, the whole crowd goes insane. There are times during the show that I was literally overwhelmed by what I was experiencing and couldn't take it all in with my ears and eyes and just had to sit back and breathe in the whole thing. I wish that I had the words in my vocabulary to do justice to the experience, but I truly do not...and those of you who think that I have done an adequate job need to take it to an even higher level. I laughed (there were some really good line interpretations), I cried (the I'll Cover You Reprise gets me everytime!!)...I was just in awe. At one point, Mimi comes out to sing Take Me Out Tonight, and her mic doesn't work (they had ear mics), and she is just singing her little heart out (and it was little, she really needed to eat something) but no one can hear her...fortunately a stagehand is ready and gives her a handheld mic...then Roger gets one and they sing their duet with hand mics and it was just amazing. It was the greatest theater experience of my life to this point.
At the end of the show, we went outside and a large mass of people is waiting towards the stage doors...Bex and I decide to sit there and see if anyone is going to come out. Who comes out but Anthony Rapp himself?!!! I got tons of pictures and he signed my freaking Playbill!! I seriously doubt that today could have been any better than it was.
Tonight we pick up one of Becca and Jake's friends from Madrid and head out to Roti Boti again. The food is exactly the same as it was on Saturday, but I enjoy infinitely more because I have gotten accustomed to the spicy after one trip. We watch Love Actually (one of my favorite movies ever) that night and hit the hay. Best day of the trip yet, and worth the entire amount of money for transportation just for today.
"ARGH!! No partial view for us, thank you very much. How about Hairspray? It only has partial view too?! What about...well, what do you have that isn't partial view? RENT? Your call Bex, I have already seen it three times. Yeah, I would happily see it again. Okay, 2 for RENT."
So RENT it is. Let me just go ahead and say that while it was Les Mis that really got me into musical theater to begin with, it was RENT that really sparked my passion for it (and that is an extremely heterosexual passion that is both healthy and cultural). I first bought the double disc CD way back in 1994 (the day it came out, no less). The first time I saw the show was the night before my senior prom in 1998 (I went with Beaner, and we wore our prom get-up). I saw it again a few years later, and then again a few years ago with some of my favorite people in the world (no names yet, but you all know who you are) and one not so favorite person who is just not in my circle of friends anymore. I ended up seeing the movie the weekend it came out with my parents and bought that soundtrack as well. The best part about the movie is that the majority of the original cast returned. That being said, the tickets ended up costing $60 each, and after we paid it, we were both experienced some buyer's remorse (all the other shows were only $35). Whatever.
We happen to have some time to kill before the show starts, so we go to the Toys'R'Us in Time Square. HOLY CRAP IT IS THE BIGGEST TOY STORE I HAVE EVER SEEN!! There are entire sections devoted to specific toys!! There was a Barbie Castle...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STORE!! There is a Ferris Wheel...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STORE!! There is a section on the 1st floor that is devoted solely to video games, and it is bigger than most toy stores that I have ever been in. There is a section devoted to Legos, and Bex and I were lamenting about how Legos used to just be sold in a box of Legos. Now they are kits and you can only build the thing that is on the box. WEHEHEHELL, as we walked through the Lego section, we came across an alcove that was 100 different color Legos drawers that you could just put in a bag!! On the second floor, there were Sony Computers, and sections for Spiderman and the Transformers among others. A man that looked eerily similar to Sherman Helmsley dressed in a King's costume sold something. There was a third floor!! It was absolutely amazing and every little kid's wet dream.
So we have wasted the requisite amount of time, and head over to the Nederlander Theater. The outside of the theater is all RENTed out, and people have written all kinds of notes and such all over the walls. We get inside and the usher brings us to our seats...10th row Orchestra dead center. Literally the best seats in the house. I am overcome a little by the moment and decide to risk taking a picture of the set from my seats...bad idea, and the usher from the other side comes over and berates my for taking a picture (got to keep it anyway!!). Still have about 15 minutes to curtain, so we start reading through our Playbills. There is an article about the new Sandy and Danny from the Grease Revival, but the reviews are pretty dismal. We then get to the page that has the original credits from the show...Written by Jonathan Larson...Directed by someone...Staring Adam Pascal as Roger, Anthony Rapp as Mark, Tamyra Gray as Mimi...
"Wait a minute, Tamyra Gray wasn't in the first cast, she was on Americal Idol. Becca, look at this page...I think that the original Mark and Roger are in today's show. There are no understudy inserts in the program."
That is right. The original Mark and Roger star in today's show. For those of you that are not theater savvy, let me just say that being able to see anyone from an original cast star in a show 13 years after that show debuted is a dream come true. Seeing that this is my favorite show of all time, this is the greatest possible thing that could have happened. All three other times that I have seen the show, it was like watching actors play the actors who played the parts. Today I am gonig to be able to see the show with the actors who were part of what I fell in love with. The buyer's remorse that we previously experienced has now gone so far away that I have to strain just to remember that it is there. I have freaking goosebumps. They first come out on stage, and before they utter a word or sing a syllable, the whole crowd goes insane. There are times during the show that I was literally overwhelmed by what I was experiencing and couldn't take it all in with my ears and eyes and just had to sit back and breathe in the whole thing. I wish that I had the words in my vocabulary to do justice to the experience, but I truly do not...and those of you who think that I have done an adequate job need to take it to an even higher level. I laughed (there were some really good line interpretations), I cried (the I'll Cover You Reprise gets me everytime!!)...I was just in awe. At one point, Mimi comes out to sing Take Me Out Tonight, and her mic doesn't work (they had ear mics), and she is just singing her little heart out (and it was little, she really needed to eat something) but no one can hear her...fortunately a stagehand is ready and gives her a handheld mic...then Roger gets one and they sing their duet with hand mics and it was just amazing. It was the greatest theater experience of my life to this point.
At the end of the show, we went outside and a large mass of people is waiting towards the stage doors...Bex and I decide to sit there and see if anyone is going to come out. Who comes out but Anthony Rapp himself?!!! I got tons of pictures and he signed my freaking Playbill!! I seriously doubt that today could have been any better than it was.
Tonight we pick up one of Becca and Jake's friends from Madrid and head out to Roti Boti again. The food is exactly the same as it was on Saturday, but I enjoy infinitely more because I have gotten accustomed to the spicy after one trip. We watch Love Actually (one of my favorite movies ever) that night and hit the hay. Best day of the trip yet, and worth the entire amount of money for transportation just for today.
A Calm Tuesday
Tuesday was another calm, relaxing day. Turbo (who's name I now have permission to use)/Becca had to work today, so Lace (more permission abounds)/Jake and I spent the majority of the day playing Mario Kart and reading. We did start the day off with another round of bagels from a different bagel shop (equally as good as yesterday's bagels). I do want to say that I am an incredible Mario Karter, and while Jake and Becca improved dramatically throughout the week, I ruled that game!!
Jake and I had our eyes set on the Yankees/Red Sox game tonight, and looked into getting tickets. Unfortunately, the game was sold out, and we would have had to scalp tickets at the stadium, and neither of us wanted to spend that much money on the game. Instead, we continued a Tuesday tradition and went to an Irish pub called Molly's and had burgers with some of their friends and watched the game on the TV there. First of all, when I say that we had burgers, it is entirely possible that this burger, had I not eaten it when I did, would have eaten me. It was the biggest burger I have ever seen in my life (10oz according to the menu, but I don't believe that for a heartbeat). I got mine with American Cheese on it and cooked Medium. It was freaking amazing!! Jake and I were the only ones that were able to finish our burgers (Bex had a buffalo burger that was "gamey").
At the pub (which has been a tradition for this circle of friends for around 3 years), I met several of Jake and Becca's friends (please note that I have elected to use their real names if I can remember them, otherwise they will just have a random TV name assigned to them). Adam (real name) was a tall fellow who was quite humorous and made us all laugh with the story of how he got picked up by 2 Eastern European hookers. There was also Amy (I think) who is now married and just got her hair cut. There was a gorgeous Iraqi woman who works for President Clinton (the first), and can I just say that she is one of the most beautiful woman that I have met in a very long time. It was a great time; the only downside being that the Red Sox lost.
Tomorrow would bring the best the awesome-ist settlement that I have ever experienced!!
Jake and I had our eyes set on the Yankees/Red Sox game tonight, and looked into getting tickets. Unfortunately, the game was sold out, and we would have had to scalp tickets at the stadium, and neither of us wanted to spend that much money on the game. Instead, we continued a Tuesday tradition and went to an Irish pub called Molly's and had burgers with some of their friends and watched the game on the TV there. First of all, when I say that we had burgers, it is entirely possible that this burger, had I not eaten it when I did, would have eaten me. It was the biggest burger I have ever seen in my life (10oz according to the menu, but I don't believe that for a heartbeat). I got mine with American Cheese on it and cooked Medium. It was freaking amazing!! Jake and I were the only ones that were able to finish our burgers (Bex had a buffalo burger that was "gamey").
At the pub (which has been a tradition for this circle of friends for around 3 years), I met several of Jake and Becca's friends (please note that I have elected to use their real names if I can remember them, otherwise they will just have a random TV name assigned to them). Adam (real name) was a tall fellow who was quite humorous and made us all laugh with the story of how he got picked up by 2 Eastern European hookers. There was also Amy (I think) who is now married and just got her hair cut. There was a gorgeous Iraqi woman who works for President Clinton (the first), and can I just say that she is one of the most beautiful woman that I have met in a very long time. It was a great time; the only downside being that the Red Sox lost.
Tomorrow would bring the best the awesome-ist settlement that I have ever experienced!!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Monday Monday
This morning started off with a bagel from an Astoria bagel shop that serves one of the best bagels I have ever eaten in my entire life (and that is a ton of bagels). I don't know if it has something to do with the water that they use to make the dough or what, but all bagels in NY are better than anything you can get in the ATL.
The day was relatively calm during the morning after bagels, up through the afternoon. Turbo and I decided to go to a place called Magnolia to get cupcakes. My sister built these cupcakes up pretty high, so I will say that I was leery of the ability of the cupcake to live up to the hype. When we got to the shop (which had to be one of the smallest shops I have ever seen), there was a line out the door with a door woman letting people in and out. When we finally got inside, we had a choice between 4 flavors of cupcakes: vanilla/vanilla, vanilla/choclate, chocolate/vanilla, chocolate/chocolate. I elected to go for the vanilla with vanilla frosting. I will be the first to say that the hype of the cupcake did not do justice to what this cupcake tasted like. It was, hands down, the greatest pastry that I have ever put into my mouth. As this blog gets updated, there will be certain things that I write about as having been worth the entire trip; this cupcake is the first on the list. Holy crap, it was amazing!!
From there we went to a real Johnnie's Pizza (not like the franchise place throughout the country), and got ourselves some pie. It was also quite good (not close to the cupcake), though the company was better (Turbo and Lace).
We decided now to surprise my high school friend Beaner and show up to the open-mic gig that she hosts at the New World Stage theater. We got there a little early and asked if she was in. Who walked out the door at that EXACT moment but my wonderful friend Beaner!! She looked up, saw us, had it register who we were, smiled, and then tackled me. It was such a wonderful moment to see her and for her to be so excited by us being there. We went downstairs to the bar and hung out for a little while, waiting for the singing to commence. As we got closer to the time for the singing, a group of three people showed up (2 women - one was probably 40 years old and the other was in her 50s, and 1 man - 50s). Beaner sang first and most often, Turbo and Lace sang a lovely duet from Jesus Christ Superstar, Turbo sang Crazy by Patsy Cline. Lace did a fantastic rendition of All Good Gifts from Godspell. And even I went up there and sang with some other people a little bit from RENT. All in all, it was a phenominal evening, and I was ecstatic to be able to be there with Beaner.
The day was relatively calm during the morning after bagels, up through the afternoon. Turbo and I decided to go to a place called Magnolia to get cupcakes. My sister built these cupcakes up pretty high, so I will say that I was leery of the ability of the cupcake to live up to the hype. When we got to the shop (which had to be one of the smallest shops I have ever seen), there was a line out the door with a door woman letting people in and out. When we finally got inside, we had a choice between 4 flavors of cupcakes: vanilla/vanilla, vanilla/choclate, chocolate/vanilla, chocolate/chocolate. I elected to go for the vanilla with vanilla frosting. I will be the first to say that the hype of the cupcake did not do justice to what this cupcake tasted like. It was, hands down, the greatest pastry that I have ever put into my mouth. As this blog gets updated, there will be certain things that I write about as having been worth the entire trip; this cupcake is the first on the list. Holy crap, it was amazing!!
From there we went to a real Johnnie's Pizza (not like the franchise place throughout the country), and got ourselves some pie. It was also quite good (not close to the cupcake), though the company was better (Turbo and Lace).
We decided now to surprise my high school friend Beaner and show up to the open-mic gig that she hosts at the New World Stage theater. We got there a little early and asked if she was in. Who walked out the door at that EXACT moment but my wonderful friend Beaner!! She looked up, saw us, had it register who we were, smiled, and then tackled me. It was such a wonderful moment to see her and for her to be so excited by us being there. We went downstairs to the bar and hung out for a little while, waiting for the singing to commence. As we got closer to the time for the singing, a group of three people showed up (2 women - one was probably 40 years old and the other was in her 50s, and 1 man - 50s). Beaner sang first and most often, Turbo and Lace sang a lovely duet from Jesus Christ Superstar, Turbo sang Crazy by Patsy Cline. Lace did a fantastic rendition of All Good Gifts from Godspell. And even I went up there and sang with some other people a little bit from RENT. All in all, it was a phenominal evening, and I was ecstatic to be able to be there with Beaner.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday in the Park with Turbo and Lace
So today was kind of a calm day. We slept late on Sunday morning and spent a large part of the morning playing Mario Kart on the Gamecube. This was of course dominated by me, but props to Turbo and Lace for really sticking to it and giving me a run for my banana peels (this would actually continue throughout the vacation).
The relaxing morning was in preparation for a trip out to Montauk for my sister's company picnic. The ride out was nice, and we got to see a little of the sound, and the park was tucked into a nice little area on Long Island. I got to meet the people that my sister works with, and we had a tasty lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers and more hot dogs. After lunch we went over to a softball field and played a pickup game. Nothing too competitive here, but lots of fun nonetheless. We hung out for a little while longer and left.
The ride home, we took a little detour over to one of the rich neighborhoods to look at some houses, and let me tell you, they were incredible (unfortunately, I don't have the capability to upload the pictures that I took here, otherwise there would be a link...but fear not as it will be the first thing I do when i get home). You have to remember when you look at the pictures that land and area in general in NY is at a premium, so the fact that these houses are on roughly an acre of land makes them RIDICULOUSLY expensive...BEFORE you even consider the house. Please also note that these pictures were taken at 20-30 mph, so they may not be the best pictures imaginable, but they work.
After we arrived home, we hung out for a little while, then decided to go get some dinner. Some insight into all that is Tim, I am not an adventurous eater. I have cultivated almost 28 years of eating experience, and I am pretty sure that I know what I like and don't like, and while the fact that I don't really take wild leaps when deciding what to eat probably precludes me from really enjoying my food life, I am really ok with that. All that being said, I decided before I got here that I would indulge Turbo and Lace a little and eat where they chose. Please also know that my sister and her boyfriend don't consider a restaurant a viable one unless there is a line out the door, and they are the only people not of the food's ethnicity in the restaurant (it is even better if they don't speak English there). So we went to a Pakistani-Indian-Bangladeshi place called Roti Boti, and they got me to eat some sort of spicy chicken kabob, spicier beef kabob (kind of dry) and something called kee-ma, which is essentially some kind of ground chicken in pepper stuff (it made my nose run). All in all, it was an enjoyable dinner, made more so by the flat-screen TV showing Indian music videos while we ate. Total price for all three of us: $23.00
After that it was off to home and time for bed. Monday will bring about bagels, Magnolia's, the best cupcake of my life, and a surprise for a high school friend.
Until then!!
The relaxing morning was in preparation for a trip out to Montauk for my sister's company picnic. The ride out was nice, and we got to see a little of the sound, and the park was tucked into a nice little area on Long Island. I got to meet the people that my sister works with, and we had a tasty lunch of hot dogs, hamburgers and more hot dogs. After lunch we went over to a softball field and played a pickup game. Nothing too competitive here, but lots of fun nonetheless. We hung out for a little while longer and left.
The ride home, we took a little detour over to one of the rich neighborhoods to look at some houses, and let me tell you, they were incredible (unfortunately, I don't have the capability to upload the pictures that I took here, otherwise there would be a link...but fear not as it will be the first thing I do when i get home). You have to remember when you look at the pictures that land and area in general in NY is at a premium, so the fact that these houses are on roughly an acre of land makes them RIDICULOUSLY expensive...BEFORE you even consider the house. Please also note that these pictures were taken at 20-30 mph, so they may not be the best pictures imaginable, but they work.
After we arrived home, we hung out for a little while, then decided to go get some dinner. Some insight into all that is Tim, I am not an adventurous eater. I have cultivated almost 28 years of eating experience, and I am pretty sure that I know what I like and don't like, and while the fact that I don't really take wild leaps when deciding what to eat probably precludes me from really enjoying my food life, I am really ok with that. All that being said, I decided before I got here that I would indulge Turbo and Lace a little and eat where they chose. Please also know that my sister and her boyfriend don't consider a restaurant a viable one unless there is a line out the door, and they are the only people not of the food's ethnicity in the restaurant (it is even better if they don't speak English there). So we went to a Pakistani-Indian-Bangladeshi place called Roti Boti, and they got me to eat some sort of spicy chicken kabob, spicier beef kabob (kind of dry) and something called kee-ma, which is essentially some kind of ground chicken in pepper stuff (it made my nose run). All in all, it was an enjoyable dinner, made more so by the flat-screen TV showing Indian music videos while we ate. Total price for all three of us: $23.00
After that it was off to home and time for bed. Monday will bring about bagels, Magnolia's, the best cupcake of my life, and a surprise for a high school friend.
Until then!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I am in New York
So I have arrived. The rest of my train trip was relatively uneventful and we arrived about 2 hours behind schedule. My system and her boyfriend met me at Penn Station, and from there it was about 20 minutes to the part of Queens where they live. They have a new apartment that I have not yet seen, and I must say that it is much larger than I expected for where we are. It has a nice kitchen, a very large living room, one bedroom and one bath. We get there at about 5:30, and it is just a quick hour and a half before they surprise me with a small party/gathering in my honor. Quick back story, one of the first things I asked my sister about doing up here when we were still in the planning stages was going to Cereality (a restaurant that only serves cereal!!), but they don't have those on the east coast, only the west...now back to the regular story. That night, she invited several friends over (no American Gladiator names for them because I would run out too quickly, so we will go with Saved by the Bell). Lisa, Zack and Kelly all showed up with milk or cereal in tow, and we had our own Cereality party!! It was freaking awesome!! For those of you who may not know me all that well, cereal is my favorite of all of the foods, and this was just the best possible way to start my vacation. From there we went on to play a game called Celebrity (if you would like to learn how to play, it is so very simple, but some of the most fun you can have), and then just hung out for a little while. I started to crash an hour or so later and went to bed.
The next day held softball at the part near Montauck.
The next day held softball at the part near Montauck.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Breakfast on the Train
So I just had the most wonderful breakfast on the train. Rather than taking my order in the car, I went to the diner car to kind of see what was going on. There is a policy on the train that puts parties of 1 or 2 together to conserve space. I was fortunate enough to sit with a lovely older black woman whose name I did not get (I will call her Rose). The fun started when Rose realized that she knew who our waitress was, but the waitress had no idea who she was. It seems that they both lived in South Carolina a few years ago and met at her (the waitress's) sister-in-law's funeral. Watching this waitress try and figure it out, while the woman gave clues was quite a treat.
Here Endeth the Story
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Rough Start
So the train was supposed to leave at 8:21 on Friday night and arrive in NY at 2:30 on Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, there was a derailment in New Orleans by a freight train, and that screwed the whole schedule up. We ended up leaving at 11:30 on Friday night, and arrived at 4:45 on Saturday. That is somewhat unfortunate, and everyone seems to be using that as a reason to ask my why I didn't fly instead. That will be the topic of another blog on another day, so if you can hold your tongue, I promise I will get there. In the meantime, I spent a great deal of time just observing what was going on at the train station, and here is what I came up with:
First of all, the TV was on Fox, and we were watching that incredible Rob Schneider vehicle The Animal (co-starring Colleen from the first season of Survivor, and Dr. Cox from Scrubs). That movie is the cinematic equivalent of someone taking a crap on a piece of paper and telling everyone that it is Shakespeare. What was surprising was the fact that Edgar from 24 (god rest his soul) makes an appearance. So TV wasn't an option.
I had gone to the book store with my parents before ending up at the train station, and I picked up my first Oprah Book Club book. I selected I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. I am about 35 pages into it, and it seems fantastic. I will let you know more about that as I get more into it.
I didn't really want to get all of my crap out of my duffel bag, so I ended up just kind of watching what was going down with the people. Sitting directly across from me was a 40 year old man and his 9 year old son (ages are approximated). They are watching a movie on their Apple lap top, and the little boy keeps laughing and talking about what is happening. The best part about that is that he is wearing ear phones and ends up talking loud enough for everyone in the train depot hear him. He (the 9 year old) is wearing about 15 different Live Strong bracelets on his left arm, and you can't see the skin from his wrist to his elbow. He is also eating a bag of Skittles from the vending machine, and I realize that I still eat Skittles like a little kid (one flavor at a time). At around 9:30, who I assume is the mom calls. You can tell from the dad's side of the conversation that she is somewhat nervous about the train not being there yet. As the night continues, we will end up becoming friends of convenience because he is nervous about the cultural breakdown in the depot, and as another white guy, I seem appealing to him. It turns out that they are from Jersey and are down on cosmetic reasons (dad's friend is a cosmetic dentist and fixed his front teeth issue for free). He brought his son as a sort of last hurrah before school starts after Labor Day. They end up going to the Georgia Aquarium and the new World of Coke (of which his uncle was one of the architects). We say goodbye as we board the train, but we see each other again at breakfast...and breakfast is a whole other blog unto itself, so we will come back to that.
To their right, there is an older woman who is reading A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. She has a fantastic fishing cap on, and she seems to be nervous in her surroundings and is holding the book up quite high so as not to be distracted and not be noticed.
I have to use the potty, so I get up and ask Jersey Dad to watch my bag. Once in there, I come across a Vietnam Vet with a slight handicap. I can tell he is a Vietnam Vet because he is wearing a trucker cap that says so with several medals on it. He walks with an obvious limp and a cane, but seems nice enough (this is someone my father spoke with while I was getting my ticket printed).
The next guy I saw makes me question how grown up people really are. This guy had a killer expensive phone, blue tooth head set, nice clothes on, and a freaking skateboard on his bag. I have no idea why, but apparently skateboarding is back, and now it is aiming at older men.
Final observation (not really a statement about this, just an observation). There were about 200+ people waiting for the train in Atlanta; of those 200 people, only 10% of them were white. There were 2 people of Hispanic decent (they actually went all the way to NY). The rest of them were black. Like I said, not a statement, just an observation. That is all for now. Breakfast will be coming up later in the day.
First of all, the TV was on Fox, and we were watching that incredible Rob Schneider vehicle The Animal (co-starring Colleen from the first season of Survivor, and Dr. Cox from Scrubs). That movie is the cinematic equivalent of someone taking a crap on a piece of paper and telling everyone that it is Shakespeare. What was surprising was the fact that Edgar from 24 (god rest his soul) makes an appearance. So TV wasn't an option.
I had gone to the book store with my parents before ending up at the train station, and I picked up my first Oprah Book Club book. I selected I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. I am about 35 pages into it, and it seems fantastic. I will let you know more about that as I get more into it.
I didn't really want to get all of my crap out of my duffel bag, so I ended up just kind of watching what was going down with the people. Sitting directly across from me was a 40 year old man and his 9 year old son (ages are approximated). They are watching a movie on their Apple lap top, and the little boy keeps laughing and talking about what is happening. The best part about that is that he is wearing ear phones and ends up talking loud enough for everyone in the train depot hear him. He (the 9 year old) is wearing about 15 different Live Strong bracelets on his left arm, and you can't see the skin from his wrist to his elbow. He is also eating a bag of Skittles from the vending machine, and I realize that I still eat Skittles like a little kid (one flavor at a time). At around 9:30, who I assume is the mom calls. You can tell from the dad's side of the conversation that she is somewhat nervous about the train not being there yet. As the night continues, we will end up becoming friends of convenience because he is nervous about the cultural breakdown in the depot, and as another white guy, I seem appealing to him. It turns out that they are from Jersey and are down on cosmetic reasons (dad's friend is a cosmetic dentist and fixed his front teeth issue for free). He brought his son as a sort of last hurrah before school starts after Labor Day. They end up going to the Georgia Aquarium and the new World of Coke (of which his uncle was one of the architects). We say goodbye as we board the train, but we see each other again at breakfast...and breakfast is a whole other blog unto itself, so we will come back to that.
To their right, there is an older woman who is reading A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. She has a fantastic fishing cap on, and she seems to be nervous in her surroundings and is holding the book up quite high so as not to be distracted and not be noticed.
I have to use the potty, so I get up and ask Jersey Dad to watch my bag. Once in there, I come across a Vietnam Vet with a slight handicap. I can tell he is a Vietnam Vet because he is wearing a trucker cap that says so with several medals on it. He walks with an obvious limp and a cane, but seems nice enough (this is someone my father spoke with while I was getting my ticket printed).
The next guy I saw makes me question how grown up people really are. This guy had a killer expensive phone, blue tooth head set, nice clothes on, and a freaking skateboard on his bag. I have no idea why, but apparently skateboarding is back, and now it is aiming at older men.
Final observation (not really a statement about this, just an observation). There were about 200+ people waiting for the train in Atlanta; of those 200 people, only 10% of them were white. There were 2 people of Hispanic decent (they actually went all the way to NY). The rest of them were black. Like I said, not a statement, just an observation. That is all for now. Breakfast will be coming up later in the day.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Country Mouse in the Big City
So I don't take a whole lot of actual vacations. I usually go visit family in CT, or end up just vegging out for a week on my couch. NOT THIS TIME!! I leave tomorrow night for New York City to hang out with my sister, Turbo, and her boyfriend, Lace. I don't want to get too much into what is going on right now, but I will have tons of pictures and will be regaling you all with stories of what goes down. Should be fun. Check back often!!
Here Beginith the Vacation!!
Here Beginith the Vacation!!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Lesson the Second: The Snooze Button and its Eerie Similarities to the 5 Stages of Grief
This idea struck me a while ago, but I had forgotten about it until just recently (this morning actually). I don't think there are going to be any American Gladiator references in this one, but it will still be worth the read.
It seems that it was a mere 51 years ago that the snooze button was unleashed unto the world. The introduction of the General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm (model #7H241) brought with it the "control bar." Ah...the control bar, the first incarnation of the snooze button. It was marketed as follows:
A device that was supposed to give you "control" of when you decided to wake up. This must have been revolutionary. I can imagine that there was talk that it would be the precursor to world peace. Surely the Cold War would be over before it could even get a chance to start with this incredible invention. But of course, they forgot about the rule of unintended consequences; not only did the Cold War fester and bubble calmly below the surface in the wake of this insipid device, but we were brought to the brink of nuclear war just 6 years later after JFK pressed the snooze button one too many times and woke up groggy and grouchy!!
Now I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know that I am compelled, almost by a force that is outside of my control, to hit that cursed button at least twice (this week I would've performed the Hallelujah Chorus using only a plastic kazoo from my dentist if I could have gotten up with only two snoozes). It is truly the bane of my existence (more so than even the dreaded Thank You Note!!).
But there is something interesting about what happens to you emotionally on a morning that you press the snooze button 4 times before waking up. You are run through a gamut of emotion that can only be accurately described as the Kübler-Ross Model for the 5 Stages of Grief. Allow me to explain a little about this Kübler-Ross Model. Originally introduced in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying (13 years after the dreaded "control button"), they describe the process that people go through when experiencing a tragic loss (their death or someone else's). Or in this case, the process that people go through when trying to escape the perilous clutches of the Snooze Button!!
Stage 1 - Denial
Kübler-Ross describes this as the initial stage of grief. This is of course our initial refusal to accept that something tragic has happened, hence the rejection. In the morning, this is experienced for me at 6:24am. The alarm sounds the melodic tones of a midi version of Vivaldi's Spring, and the first thing that goes through my mind is:
"NO!!! It's not time to wake up!! I just went to bed!! That can't be right!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 2 - Anger
The second stage of grief. This is when you begin to lash out at the fact that this is happening or has happened to you. This occurs for me at 6:33am. The alarm again sounds Vivaldi's Spring, and I think to myself:
"Rassifrassin flea-bitten varmint!! When I say WHOA, I mean WHOA!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 3 - Bargaining
The third stage of grief. Now we recognize that something is going to happen, but we really would like for it to occur on our terms, so we do what we can to tip the scales and gain something out of it. For me, this happens at 6:42am. Once more, I am awakened by the wonderful sounds of Vivaldi's Spring, and I think, as I lurch out of bed towards the alarm clock:
"Just one more snooze. Let me get one more snooze and I will get up and get going. 9 more minutes of precious sleep and my day will be better."
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 4 - Depression
The fourth stage of grief is one that can cause the most trouble for me. It is during this stage that I contemplate not going to work at all. I figure, it is too late for me to get up at this point anyway, why get up at all? Mind you that it is only 6:51 when this happens and I don't have to leave to go to work until 7:30, but grief doesn't always make sense. Sometimes, when the depression gets too great, I will roll out of bed and turn off Vivaldi's Spring and instead of plopping right back down into sleep I will call work and let them know that I am running slightly late and will probably be in around 9:15am. Like in grief, this stage can last the longest in Snooze because you will go back to sleep because you are depressed.
And in order for this to happen, what do I do? I press the snooze button (6 times for 54 minutes of sleep).
Stage 5 - Acceptance
The final stage of grief. The stage that you come to when you realize that if you don't get out of bed in the next minute or so, you are going to have to go to work stinky because you won't have time to take a shower. This stage is oftentimes accompanied by a prolonged sigh that indicates the epiphanic moment you experience when you have admitted defeat to the morning. There is one good thing about this stage above all others: No more freaking Vivaldi's Spring!!
Here Endeth the Lesson
It seems that it was a mere 51 years ago that the snooze button was unleashed unto the world. The introduction of the General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm (model #7H241) brought with it the "control bar." Ah...the control bar, the first incarnation of the snooze button. It was marketed as follows:
The new General Electric-Telechron Snooz-Alarm is the world's most humane alarm clock. When the alarm sounds you just tap the control bar. The Snooz-Alarm will be silent and lets you sleep--but only for a few minutes. Then the alarm will sound again. Want to sleep a few minutes more? Tap the control bar again. After several minutes the Snooz-Alarm is heard from again --automatically!
Snooz-Alarm is electric. Like all General Electric-Telechron alarms, it will wake you for sure because it:
1. Sounds for 45 minutes unless shut off
2. Can't run down during the night
3. Never needs winding
4. Stays on time to the minute
A device that was supposed to give you "control" of when you decided to wake up. This must have been revolutionary. I can imagine that there was talk that it would be the precursor to world peace. Surely the Cold War would be over before it could even get a chance to start with this incredible invention. But of course, they forgot about the rule of unintended consequences; not only did the Cold War fester and bubble calmly below the surface in the wake of this insipid device, but we were brought to the brink of nuclear war just 6 years later after JFK pressed the snooze button one too many times and woke up groggy and grouchy!!
Now I cannot speak for anyone else, but I know that I am compelled, almost by a force that is outside of my control, to hit that cursed button at least twice (this week I would've performed the Hallelujah Chorus using only a plastic kazoo from my dentist if I could have gotten up with only two snoozes). It is truly the bane of my existence (more so than even the dreaded Thank You Note!!).
But there is something interesting about what happens to you emotionally on a morning that you press the snooze button 4 times before waking up. You are run through a gamut of emotion that can only be accurately described as the Kübler-Ross Model for the 5 Stages of Grief. Allow me to explain a little about this Kübler-Ross Model. Originally introduced in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying (13 years after the dreaded "control button"), they describe the process that people go through when experiencing a tragic loss (their death or someone else's). Or in this case, the process that people go through when trying to escape the perilous clutches of the Snooze Button!!
Stage 1 - Denial
Kübler-Ross describes this as the initial stage of grief. This is of course our initial refusal to accept that something tragic has happened, hence the rejection. In the morning, this is experienced for me at 6:24am. The alarm sounds the melodic tones of a midi version of Vivaldi's Spring, and the first thing that goes through my mind is:
"NO!!! It's not time to wake up!! I just went to bed!! That can't be right!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 2 - Anger
The second stage of grief. This is when you begin to lash out at the fact that this is happening or has happened to you. This occurs for me at 6:33am. The alarm again sounds Vivaldi's Spring, and I think to myself:
"Rassifrassin flea-bitten varmint!! When I say WHOA, I mean WHOA!!"
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 3 - Bargaining
The third stage of grief. Now we recognize that something is going to happen, but we really would like for it to occur on our terms, so we do what we can to tip the scales and gain something out of it. For me, this happens at 6:42am. Once more, I am awakened by the wonderful sounds of Vivaldi's Spring, and I think, as I lurch out of bed towards the alarm clock:
"Just one more snooze. Let me get one more snooze and I will get up and get going. 9 more minutes of precious sleep and my day will be better."
And what do I do? I press the snooze button.
Stage 4 - Depression
The fourth stage of grief is one that can cause the most trouble for me. It is during this stage that I contemplate not going to work at all. I figure, it is too late for me to get up at this point anyway, why get up at all? Mind you that it is only 6:51 when this happens and I don't have to leave to go to work until 7:30, but grief doesn't always make sense. Sometimes, when the depression gets too great, I will roll out of bed and turn off Vivaldi's Spring and instead of plopping right back down into sleep I will call work and let them know that I am running slightly late and will probably be in around 9:15am. Like in grief, this stage can last the longest in Snooze because you will go back to sleep because you are depressed.
And in order for this to happen, what do I do? I press the snooze button (6 times for 54 minutes of sleep).
Stage 5 - Acceptance
The final stage of grief. The stage that you come to when you realize that if you don't get out of bed in the next minute or so, you are going to have to go to work stinky because you won't have time to take a shower. This stage is oftentimes accompanied by a prolonged sigh that indicates the epiphanic moment you experience when you have admitted defeat to the morning. There is one good thing about this stage above all others: No more freaking Vivaldi's Spring!!
Here Endeth the Lesson
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Reader Blog the First: The 2007 Pre-season NFL Power Rankings - Timmy Style
This blog marks my first foray into writing a reader submitted topic. While these topics may be less universal than some, I will do my best to make them accessible to all so that there can enjoyment to be had even if you don't care about the topic, per se. Today's topic comes to us from one Nitro*. A little history into who Nitro is. Nitro and I met 1st semester of my freshman year of college. I had gone with my friend Lace* to auditions for The Complete Works of William Shakespeare: Abridged and Nitro was there with his roommate Sam (who may appear in a future blog as the subject of several funny stories at his expense). Interesting side note, this play is the first and only play that I have auditioned for in which I wasn't cast (though I did later get the part after a cast member dropped out). Anyway, Nitro and I ended up becoming great and fast friends, lived together twice, dated the same girl once, and watched countless football games together (including the Superbowl in 1999 with the Falcons and the Broncos). Nitro is my football friend and has asked that I release my highly anticipated NFL Power Rankings.
To explain how I came to my rankings, very simply I just stole them from 8 people smarter than me. I took 8 different rankings and just averaged where every team stood. I was going to try and come up with my own rankings, but I realized that I have no idea what I am talking about...EVER.
And now, without further ado:
So there you have it. The first reader submitted blog topic. My next topic should be a winner. It was submitted to me by one of our friends from the north, Ice*.
Here endeth the Power Rankings.
*Remember, all names are American Gladiators until I get permission to use them.
To explain how I came to my rankings, very simply I just stole them from 8 people smarter than me. I took 8 different rankings and just averaged where every team stood. I was going to try and come up with my own rankings, but I realized that I have no idea what I am talking about...EVER.
And now, without further ado:
| Ranking | Team | Reason |
| 1st | Patriots | The New England Patriots occupy the top spot based solely on their embarrassment of riches in the WR position. Tom Brady has been one of the best with one of the worst receiving corp. Imagine how good he will be with WRs Randy Moss, Troy Brown, Reche Caldwell, Donte Stallworth and Jabar Gaffney. Plus these are the two women that Tom Brady has been linked to, and any man that can get with two women of that calibar deserves to be ranked number 1 at something. |
| 2nd | Chargers | Ladainian Tomlinson is the best running back in the last 2,134 years. The last time we saw a ball carrier this good, Moses was carrying the 10 Commandments down Mt. Sinai. |
| 3rd | Colts | The Colts would be ranked number one based on Peyton Manning's MasterCard commercials alone. Unfortunately for us, for every MasterCard commercial, there is a Sprint Ad. |
| 4th | Bears | I think the reason that the Bears are this high is because I accidentally included Peter King's 1985 Power Rankings in my formula. I actually think the Bears suck…in fact, the only thing the Bears have ever done worthy of note is this (and possibly being the inspiration for this). |
| 5th | Ravens | Willis McGahee makes this offense much stronger than it was last year, but Steve McNair is old and won't be much help under center. Also, Ray Lewis gets the Ravens bonus points for parlaying a murder rap into the cover of Madden 05 and an Under Armor endorsement deal. |
| 6th | Saints | I like the Saints. They were the feel good story of the year last year, and I think with another year in the NFL, Reggie Bush will show us how good he can be. Nothing witty here, I really like this team. |
| 7th | Broncos | Another humorless entry. Too many tragic things have happened to the Broncos for me to joke about these guys. I look forward to the inspirational montages we get to see about the two players who died over the off-season. |
| 8th | Eagles | Controversy abounds in Philly this pre-season, but when the dust settles, Donovan McNabb's mom will be the clear winner over Brian Westbrook's for the team "Campbell's Chunky Soup Cooker." |
| 9th | Cowboys | Tony Romo turned out not to be the second coming of Troy Aikmen last season, and should have invested heavily in some stick-um (not to be confused with steak-ums) during the off-season. Bill Parcels is gone, but that is probably a good thing. Now if we could only get TO to actually do something right. |
| 10th | Bengals | No, those stripes on the Bengals helmets are not prison bars, but they might as well be. I think that the offense for Cincy will be crazy good, as will Chad Johnson's end-zone celebrations. |
| 11th | Jets | The Jets may have played out of their shoes last season, but the addition of Thomas Jones to the offense will help immensely…they may be ranked too low at 11. |
| 12th | Seahawks | Shaun Alexander fell back to earth last season, but he should be back to his normal high level performance this year and that will help Matt Hasselback immensely. The Hawks win their division this year. |
| 13th | Steelers | Big Ben has a new head coach this year, but should do well in his new system. A year further away from his helmetless motorcycle accident should help too. Seriously though, who the hell doesn't wear a helmet when they ride a motorcycle?! |
| 14th | Jaguars | I don't really know too much about this team, except that they tried to get Daunte Culpepper. That doesn't inspire confidence in their QBs Huard and Leftwhich. |
| 15th | 49ers | This is a team on the rise. I know that growing up I always hated the 49ers the way I hated the Cowboys, the Yankees, the Bulls and the Oakland A's. I actually like them this year because they are coming back up from the dregs of the NFL. |
| 16th | Panthers | They get the award for falling the furthest after a Super Bowl appearance since the Oakland Raiders. They should be much better than they were last season. Maybe they will get some more consistent play from Jake Delhomme. |
| 17th | Rams | Mark Bulger has his contract which means that the Rams don't have to worry about throwing for 25+ touchdowns. The problem will be that they will probably let the other teams score many more than that with their secondary. |
| 18th | Giants | Eli Manning needs to go far to catch up with his brother. |
| 19th | Titans | Vince Young should be pleased that he is on the cover of Madden 08…that may be all he has to be pleased about this season. |
| 20th | Chiefs | The Chiefs haven't been funny since this great ad. |
| 21st | Cardinals | They could finish lower than this, or they could finish way up high. I like Leinert, and they certainly have the tools to be successful, they just don't know what to do with them. |
| 22nd | Bills | I miss Jim Kelly. |
| 23rd | Falcons | No. I am not going to touch this one. |
| 24th | Packers | Brett Favre should break 4 significant records this season (the most significant being the consecutive games started streak). |
| 25th | Lions | Calvin Johnson may be the best 3rd receiver in all of the NFL. $5 says he ends up at the top of their depth chart by Thanksgiving. |
| 26th | Redskins | They are all old. But at least their team name isn't rascist. |
| 27th | Dolphins | Nitro has a funny story about how big a jerk-off Dan Marino is. Message him on Facebook and make him tell you about it. |
| 28th | Texans | Matt Schaub got out of Atlanta at just the right time…unfortunately he ended up in Houston. |
| 29th | Buccaneers | They're under my buccin' hat. |
| 30th | Vikings | The one thing that the Vikings owner doesn't have to worry about is a sex-boat scandal. No one knows anyone that actually plays for the Vikings anymore. |
| 31st | Raiders | 2 wins. That's it. |
| 32nd | Browns | They are probably way better than this, but the numbers didn't work well in my formula. |
So there you have it. The first reader submitted blog topic. My next topic should be a winner. It was submitted to me by one of our friends from the north, Ice*.
Here endeth the Power Rankings.
*Remember, all names are American Gladiators until I get permission to use them.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
No lesson today, just some thoughts on electronic paper
So I hope everyone has had a wonderful week. I am just sitting here on Sunday afternoon trying to figure out if I am going to be productive today or if I am just going to sit around and think about being productive next weekend instead. I figured I might as well write a little update on the ol' blog. Please allow me to apologize about the stream-of-conscious feel that this may take.
First - Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's all-time home-run record last night. I would just like for it to be on record that I think that Barry Bonds may be the single greatest cheater in the history of professional sports. While I certainly understand that he has not been convicted in a court of law, and the evidence as it currently exists is not enough to even bring a case against him, the burden of proof is a little bit different for the Court of Timmy and he has been tried, convicted and is scheduled for record book "asterisk-ification." Here is to hoping he blows his knee out before he can hit another one.
Second - I have noticed a trend in websites to include an embedded sort of spell-check for when people are typing emails, comments, blogs, etc. I am a fan of this trend and look forward to its expanded application. There is one thing that makes me laugh though and that is that when you are on MySpace and you actually reference MySpace in your message or blog it is marked as being spelled incorrectly. Wouldn't you think that the marketing/branding department for MySpace would have made sure to right-click on MySpace and add it to their dictionary? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Third - I was driving out of my neighborhood the other day and I saw a guy taking the tarp/cover off of his car. I have never been one to worry about the protection of my car from ...really anything (the elements, my propensity to use it as a trash can/laundry basket, other car's trailer hitches), but I can understand why someone would want to protect a car, especially a new car/classic car. Here is the thing though: The car was neither new or a classic. It was, in fact, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
This guy has put a cover on that car?! That takes it to a scary Danny Tanner level (that Danny Tanner link is a little dirty, so click with caution).
Fourth - Is anyone else as obsessed with Wikipedia.com as I am? I could literally spend days on that site. May favorite thing to do now is to post things that are mostly true and see how long it takes for people to realize that there is something wrong with it and fix it. It seems that the Buffy site keepers are the best at it (it only takes around 5 minutes before they realize something is wrong).
Finally - A dear friend of mine, Lila Stevens, has been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer and is currently receiving treatment in Houston. There is a website that you can go on and get updates on her condition and sign a guestbook letting her know you visited. The prognosis is not the best, but they are holding strong to hope and are fighting this with everything they have. Lila is one of the greatest women I have ever known, and I know that she will do everything that she can to defy this disease. I love you very much Lila!!
Sorry to end on a depressing note.
Have a great week all!!
First - Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron's all-time home-run record last night. I would just like for it to be on record that I think that Barry Bonds may be the single greatest cheater in the history of professional sports. While I certainly understand that he has not been convicted in a court of law, and the evidence as it currently exists is not enough to even bring a case against him, the burden of proof is a little bit different for the Court of Timmy and he has been tried, convicted and is scheduled for record book "asterisk-ification." Here is to hoping he blows his knee out before he can hit another one.
Second - I have noticed a trend in websites to include an embedded sort of spell-check for when people are typing emails, comments, blogs, etc. I am a fan of this trend and look forward to its expanded application. There is one thing that makes me laugh though and that is that when you are on MySpace and you actually reference MySpace in your message or blog it is marked as being spelled incorrectly. Wouldn't you think that the marketing/branding department for MySpace would have made sure to right-click on MySpace and add it to their dictionary? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Third - I was driving out of my neighborhood the other day and I saw a guy taking the tarp/cover off of his car. I have never been one to worry about the protection of my car from ...really anything (the elements, my propensity to use it as a trash can/laundry basket, other car's trailer hitches), but I can understand why someone would want to protect a car, especially a new car/classic car. Here is the thing though: The car was neither new or a classic. It was, in fact, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera.
This guy has put a cover on that car?! That takes it to a scary Danny Tanner level (that Danny Tanner link is a little dirty, so click with caution).Fourth - Is anyone else as obsessed with Wikipedia.com as I am? I could literally spend days on that site. May favorite thing to do now is to post things that are mostly true and see how long it takes for people to realize that there is something wrong with it and fix it. It seems that the Buffy site keepers are the best at it (it only takes around 5 minutes before they realize something is wrong).
Finally - A dear friend of mine, Lila Stevens, has been diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer and is currently receiving treatment in Houston. There is a website that you can go on and get updates on her condition and sign a guestbook letting her know you visited. The prognosis is not the best, but they are holding strong to hope and are fighting this with everything they have. Lila is one of the greatest women I have ever known, and I know that she will do everything that she can to defy this disease. I love you very much Lila!!
Sorry to end on a depressing note.
Have a great week all!!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Lesson the First: The Thank You Note (or, Generosity's Kryptonite)
So I have been sitting here at my desk, burning about a million DVDs for a dance recital I filmed, and I decided that I should start a blog. It was something that I had tried before, but I just didn't really have my heart into it, and rather than writing some insightful social commentary, I ended up just writing about what I was watching on TV (don't get me wrong, it was certainly insightful TV commentary, but it just didn't do it for me). But today I feel enthused and so you are privy to the insights of what I have going on in my head.
Today's blog is inspired by my friend Gemini (I have elected to change the names of my friends until I get their permission to use their names in the blog - I will start out using American Gladiator names until I run out, who knows where we might go from there), and has everything to do with the idea of the Thank You Card. Allow me to begin by restating the hatred that I have for them, but before we get further into that, let me give a little history of the Thank You Card:
It seems that the first culture to actually send cards to each other to express greetings and thanks were the Chinese, and that started all the way back in...well I don't have an actual date (which may end up being a theme to the blog), but it was, like, a long freaking time ago. This was followed by the Egyptians and their crazy Thank You Papyrus Scrolls. Eventually, by the 1400s, everyone in Europe was sending some type of card, wood carving, or hoops & yoyo e-Card. Fortunately, it was quite expensive to send these cards back then, postage being what it was, so if you were getting married or having a bar-mitzvah, you probably couldn't afford to send cards to everyone that sent you a gift. Then some jackasses named Marcus Ward & Co. (I don't know how arrogant that this Marcus Ward guy was, but imagine only letting your friends be referred to as "& Co." I can assure you that I would never refer to my friends as something as demeaning and degrading as "& Co." Isn't that right "& Associates?") came along and started mass producing the damn things. Shortly thereafter, there came about an 18 year old with a dream: Joyce C. Hall. Interestingly enough, Joyce is not a woman, but is still a little bitch, for reasons with which I shall now regale you. Joyce C. Hall is the visionary who started Hallmark and ended any hope any of us have to spend the first 6 weeks of marriage having sex. Instead, we now have to spend every waking minute speeding up our carpal-tunnel onset while we write meaningless drivel to the people who came to our wedding.
So there you have a brief history of the Thank You Card. But why should we hate such a little piece of paper you ask? Well I will tell you...simply put, when someone gives a gift to someone else, it takes away from the idea of a "gift" if you expect them to give you something back in return. Tell me, if I came to your party and I brought with me a brand new George Foreman Grill for a house warming gift, would it be fair of me to only give it to you with a catch; and that caveat would of course be that you would then have to take time out of your day to write a hand-written note of thanks to me (forget the fact that you have already shown me hospitality by inviting me to your house, feeding me delicious food, drinking me thirst-quenching drinks, and, depending on the situation, maybe given me a little touch), then you would have to affix an ever-increasing in cost stamp, then you would have to mail it to me (which will no doubt cause mail prices to increase further down the road). And why? Because this Ancient Chinese guy said so?! No, I don't think so.
But alas, society wills it so. I will no doubt have to endure the continuing terror that is the Thank You Note. But that is ok, because I have come up with the perfect solution. When the time comes for me to get married (and I am always looking, just drop me a line...wink, wink), I will include in my invitations the following:
It truly is the perfect solution. I figure, if it is good enough for my dentist, it is good enough for me.
Here Endeth the Lesson.
Today's blog is inspired by my friend Gemini (I have elected to change the names of my friends until I get their permission to use their names in the blog - I will start out using American Gladiator names until I run out, who knows where we might go from there), and has everything to do with the idea of the Thank You Card. Allow me to begin by restating the hatred that I have for them, but before we get further into that, let me give a little history of the Thank You Card:
It seems that the first culture to actually send cards to each other to express greetings and thanks were the Chinese, and that started all the way back in...well I don't have an actual date (which may end up being a theme to the blog), but it was, like, a long freaking time ago. This was followed by the Egyptians and their crazy Thank You Papyrus Scrolls. Eventually, by the 1400s, everyone in Europe was sending some type of card, wood carving, or hoops & yoyo e-Card. Fortunately, it was quite expensive to send these cards back then, postage being what it was, so if you were getting married or having a bar-mitzvah, you probably couldn't afford to send cards to everyone that sent you a gift. Then some jackasses named Marcus Ward & Co. (I don't know how arrogant that this Marcus Ward guy was, but imagine only letting your friends be referred to as "& Co." I can assure you that I would never refer to my friends as something as demeaning and degrading as "& Co." Isn't that right "& Associates?") came along and started mass producing the damn things. Shortly thereafter, there came about an 18 year old with a dream: Joyce C. Hall. Interestingly enough, Joyce is not a woman, but is still a little bitch, for reasons with which I shall now regale you. Joyce C. Hall is the visionary who started Hallmark and ended any hope any of us have to spend the first 6 weeks of marriage having sex. Instead, we now have to spend every waking minute speeding up our carpal-tunnel onset while we write meaningless drivel to the people who came to our wedding.
So there you have a brief history of the Thank You Card. But why should we hate such a little piece of paper you ask? Well I will tell you...simply put, when someone gives a gift to someone else, it takes away from the idea of a "gift" if you expect them to give you something back in return. Tell me, if I came to your party and I brought with me a brand new George Foreman Grill for a house warming gift, would it be fair of me to only give it to you with a catch; and that caveat would of course be that you would then have to take time out of your day to write a hand-written note of thanks to me (forget the fact that you have already shown me hospitality by inviting me to your house, feeding me delicious food, drinking me thirst-quenching drinks, and, depending on the situation, maybe given me a little touch), then you would have to affix an ever-increasing in cost stamp, then you would have to mail it to me (which will no doubt cause mail prices to increase further down the road). And why? Because this Ancient Chinese guy said so?! No, I don't think so.
But alas, society wills it so. I will no doubt have to endure the continuing terror that is the Thank You Note. But that is ok, because I have come up with the perfect solution. When the time comes for me to get married (and I am always looking, just drop me a line...wink, wink), I will include in my invitations the following:
It truly is the perfect solution. I figure, if it is good enough for my dentist, it is good enough for me.
Here Endeth the Lesson.
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