Obituary: My Faith in Humanity – Oct. 2nd, 1979-Jan. 19th, 2009

What was once a bright shining beacon in the life of Tim Gordon, has suffered its final insult, and in so doing has withered and died today. Tim’s Faith in Humanity (FiH) was a stalwart and driving force in his life for a huge portion of his life, but it first started to show signs of failing during the release of the reality TV series Temptation Island. Tim’s FiH was unsure how to deal with such a horrible offering on television, and started to crack and give way to the idea that maybe humanity wasn’t inherently good, but was, in fact, a slave to marketing. But his FiH was renewed with vigor after the show was cancelled after a disappointing 2nd season. Tim’s FiH suffered several other indignities along the way (see Rock of Love, Intervention, anything starring David Caruso), but it was once again strong this past week, and believed to be thriving as we entered 2009 with the act of courage and bravery shown by Capt. Sully of US Airways flight 1549. But the turnaround was short lived, as Tim’s FiH was found dead this morning at his desk at InfoMart, an apparent victim of a shock induced heart-attack. The shock appears to have been caused by the news that the #1 movie this weekend was Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Tim’s FiH is survived by his Jaded Viewpoint of American Film Taste (JVAFT) and his Superiority in Entertainment Complex (SEC). There will be no service held, but please keep Humanity in your thoughts and prayers, they apparently need it.