New Honk City - Vacation Redux

If there are only two things that I learned in my trip to New York it was the fact that driver in New York are either the best drivers in the world or the worst, and other parts of the country do not use their horn enough. For those of you who have never driven in the Big Apple, let me go ahead and describe it for you in one sentence:

Driving in New York City is like playing Mario Kart without the green shells and banana peels.

It is absolutely insane. You have to be on the lookout for bikers on your right and left (they drive between lanes, tempting the Gods). You have to watch for pedestrians who foolishly mock the relative safety of the Walk/Don't Walk signs and decide to cross the street a half a block from a crosswalk. You have to remember that there are no rights on red in the entire city, even though there are no signs that indicate this. You have to remember that when the light turns green, it is time to GO. You need to be on the ready for a taxi to seemingly fall from the sky at any moment either in front, behind or to the left or right of you (and in some cases on all four sides). And the speed limit is defined as whatever speed the person behind you thinks that they can go.

Now if you don't remember this, it is ok, because everyone on the road will remind you with a subtle honk of their horn. It is actually quite comforting to know that everyone else has your back for that first honk. The problem arises when you don't translate the horn honk correctly. Say you think that the horn honk is because you were changing lanes when you shouldn't, but it was in fact because you were going too slow at the green light you just went through...prepare to be assailed by a barrage of horn honks that will make you feel tiny and embarrassed in a way that evokes letting down your role models.

But the best part is that you quickly assimilate to the honking of the horns. You realize what an incredible system it is to have every person on the road feel that they are responsible for your safety and to make sure that traffic doesn't back up because of something a silly as not drag racing off the green light. You want to be a part of this (usually on the second day of driving in New York...the first day usually ends with you laying in a bathrobe on the couch drinking copious amounts of your alcoholic beverage of choice). You want to be part of something bigger than you.

And then you leave the city and go home to your calm existence in the smaller parts of the country. You drive down your suburban streets with relative ease knowing that you don't have to worry about bicycles zooming down the lined median. You know that the pace of life is a little bit slower and you are grateful for it. And you sit second in line at the traffic light by your house and know that it isn't necessary to stomp on your peddle like a roach and zoom through the intersection once the light turns green...until of course you realize that the woman in front of you is both talking on her cellphone and putting on mascara, at which point you realize that honking the horn is not just something done to keep the roads safe and free from traffic, but also as a release because otherwise you would go mad from all of the idiots on the road.

So I say this, the next time you are at a light and someone doesn't realize that it has changed to green, or say you are trying to just go with the flow of traffic but someone is blocking the intersection because they tried to sneak through the yellow light and didn't make it, or any number of instances that might frustrate you...please just tap your horn at them and let them know that they need to correct the problem. And if that doesn't work, do like our fellow countrymen in the Big Apple would do: Lay on that horn until they are out of site or you have passed them.